The time had come to take action. My whole lesbian/bi deal. All talk, no action. I sometimes doubted it myself, but I know I have definitely been attracted to women before. Serendipitously, an email came through—among the numerous emails I get for events around the city—for a brunch mixer with ‘like-minded lesbian and bisexual women in San Francisco.’ The event was titled “Brunch with a Bunch.”
Omigosh, I thought. This is perfect timing. Here is my opportunity! I signed up on the spot. Brunch at 11:30 at my favorite spot Eastside West. We would have a separate dining room all to ourselves. Great! There’s no need for the Marina boys to know I’m considering switching teams.
Sunday morning, I drove down to the Marina and parked. As I walked toward the restaurant, I became nervous and anxious. I kept wondering if I was doing the right thing. It’s only $20. I can skip the brunch and just not give any money to the church tonight during the collection. I’d consider it my one-time donation to gay rights.
I was getting closer. My heart beat faster. This was really nerve-wracking. I felt the same way after I’d already decided to run the Bay to Breakers naked and it was finally showtime…time to bare all for tens of thousands of people to see.
Gulp, I pressed on.
There was a group of women already at the door, standing outside. It looked like the restaurant was closed. At exactly the same time I got to the group, a man came up and informed us, “The restaurant is flooded. The event is cancelled. There’ll be another one in January. You can attend that one. Or if you want, we’ll refund your money. Whatever is best for you.”
There were six women crowded around, including myself. I looked at every single one of them and said a little prayer. Thank the Lord, Almighty. God is watching over me. All those five women looked exactly the same. The only differences were the pigment of their skin and their hair color. They were all older (I’d say mid-forties to early-fifties) and round-bottomed. OK, I’ll be honest. They were huge, fat, big-boned women. The event should’ve been called “Brunch with a Butch.”
I did not belong there. Let’s just say the flood did not rain on my parade. I would’ve been outta there by the time bread was served. Concurrently, the women were looking at me like, “What’s this cutie doing here among us?” They probably thought of me as someone who’d been devastated by her boyfriend and was now looking for love with the more sensitive and caring sex.
I walked away…extremely relieved. I figure, the kind of girl I’m going to like will most likely be hetero. Who knows. I do know I won’t be signing up for any gay events in the future. But for now, I’ll just be open to the possibility. I’ll take a cute girl over two unattractive security guards any day.
I dig the frankness in your blog about your sexual ambiguity. Because of that, I have a question for you though. Don’t you think that if you have to “think” about switching teams that you’re not ready to switch teams yet? In other words, shouldn’t it be something you know or feel in your body or heart, rather than something you think about and deliberate upon? Additionally, is there any reason you have to make such a decision? Perhaps you are just attracted to certain people, and sometimes that person may have be male and sometimes that person may be female?
the hot gay women are not to be found….for once they are attached…the emigrate to some forsaken place inland. its totally true.
The L Word (its supposed to be about lesbians in weho) is a sham.