Down boys, down boys. With the comments from my last posting, I feel compelled to respond. Who am I to judge someone who is pursuing their dream? Let me tell you. I aspire to be a writer. That’s right. But I’m not some ninny pondering the next great American novel while sleeping on friends’ couches like this guy does. I have to be self-supporting first. Let me repeat. I must be self-supporting. If not, I’d be on the street writing poetry for anyone who’ll spare a quarter.
One walks a dangerous line in pursuing his dream if the rest of his life is not prosperous. I’m not talking prosperous in the sense of living in a fucking mansion. But this guy does not have his own residence. He’s in his mid-thirties and sleeping on a couch. Oh wait, did I say that already?
If it’s your passion, I assume you’re good at it. Teach on the side. Line up gigs like there’s no tomorrow. There is something called resourcefulness.
The heated comments beg me to ask…does that make it ok to pursue one’s passion, one’s dream at all costs…just because, ipso facto, it is that person’s aspiration???
I guess it’s good material for a song. A damn good-for-nothing, impractical song.
You know, it boils down to doing what’s right for you. This guy is doing what’s right for him. And I will do what’s write for me–pursuing my passion while sustaining a professional career. Fatefully, our paths crossed, but they uncrossed quickly. We have opposing philosophies in how we carry out our lives. I take an objectivist approach. I think Ayn Rand was a genius. “The Fountainhead.” “Atlas Shrugged.” Read them. Her novels are life-changing.
“Reason is man’s only proper judge of values and his only proper guide to action. The proper standard of ethics is: man’s survival qua man—i.e., that which is required by man’s nature for his survival as a rational being (not his momentary physical survival as a mindless brute). Rationality is man’s basic virtue, and his three fundamental values are: reason, purpose, self-esteem. Man—every man—is an end in himself, not a means to the ends of others; he must live for his own sake, neither sacrificing himself to others nor sacrificing others to himself; he must work for his rational self-interest, with the achievement of his own happiness as the highest moral purpose of his life.”
Interesting you should say you dream of being a writer (published I assume), because that is exactly what another friend of mine said the other night over dinner. She however has a few years on you (like 25 or so), and what follows are the insights we reached on the topic of realizing one’s dreams:
1. Most people never realize their dreams because they are too comfortable. There is a world of difference in how you pursue your dream if you arent living a comfortable life: say for instance, you sleep on a couch; suddenly the couch is transformed from a social anchor to a hot poker in your ass driving you towards a goal that is difficult to achieve. When looking at life from a friend’s couch, I imagine one reflects on the many consequences of inaction: like, realize your dream or forever suffer the disdain of the professionally nourished.
2. It is nearly impossible to realize a dream of any magnitude (read: become a published author) while sustaining a serious professional career. Partly because of the issue identified in #1, but more importantly because you have an excuse to not make progress towards your goal. Consider this, when you go to a dinner party, and someone asks you what you do, your response is along the lines of: “finance, wells fargo, blah,”. That’s your professional identity, and it’s one you have pride in. Consider the implications to your identity (and social standing) if you introduced yourself as a writer:
You: “I’m a writer.”
Some_person: “Oh, really, have I read any of your books? What do you write?”
You: “No I dont think so.”
Some_person: “No, really, I read a lot, I might surprise you so give me a title.”
You: “I know you havent read any of my writing because I’m not published.”
Some_person: “Oh.”
The other issue related to #2 is the availability of a convenient excuse re: one’s lack of progress: “Of course Im not published yet, I work 40+ hrs a week at [insert job title].”
So to wrap this up, my friend who makes a few $100k/year as a top broker is going to quit her job, leave her comfort zone, and realize her dream. Goodbye country club membership, goodbye Mercedes, goodbye fancy home and goodbye to all the people who only associated with her because she fell in their narrow spectrum of “approved lifestyle”.
So, Catherine, here is my admonishment to you: without really understanding what this guy is doing to realize his dreams, without knowing if he is actually working very diligently towards a difficult goal, how can you know if this man’s bed is a badge of honor or shame? Moreover, imagine if this man made you laugh, was loyal, good in bed, attentive, sensitive, [insert all the other things you might want in a partner] but he just wasn’t interested in a conventional career? Which of those important qualities above would you trade away so your significant other could make $100k at some shitty job he didn’t really like?