I’ve been seeing my acupuncturist for over 4 months now. The whole point is to get pregnant by regulating my periods which sadly have been occurring less frequently ever since I became a patient. My period finally came today, a whole two months since my last cycle. I forget, until it happens, that I get highly emotional when I’m on my period. That emotion came out in flares.
Tonight while I was laying down waiting to be needled, my acupuncturist talked about my need to do this and that, and how I should be focusing on this and that, and I swear to God all the thisses and thats got to me. I could hear the tears bubbling inside and then I just lost it. A river of hopelessness and despair poured down the sides of my cheeks into my ear canal and my hair. “You are stressing me out!” I sobbed. “Why am I never doing enough? Why isn’t this working for me!”
I held back all the other things I wanted to say. I truly believe in the power of acupuncture, but is this all a waste? Maybe he’s not the right healer for me even though 3 personal friends of mine swear by him. These are friends I trust wholeheartedly. And oh, the money. Flushing money down the toilet as our accounting professor used to say about corporate excess. Was this my personal excess? A waste of money, a waste of time. I don’t even enjoy the sessions, the needles do hurt sometimes.
Bleh, hopefully I will be feeling less volatile tomorrow. I was reading a book about how you should stick with something for 3 months and if it’s not helping to stop. I will give it another month or two.