I depleted Lucky’s of their Lean Cuisine stock last night. So while I was in the Marina, I figured I might as well pickup some more Lean Cuisines at the nearby Safeway (the nice, clean, upwardly-mobile, singles pickup spot by Fort Mason). Lean Cuisines happen to be on sale this week at both Lucky’s and Safeway which is a rare occurrence.
I was on a mission. I almost got sidetracked by the cute girl scouts with the even cuter boxes of Thin Mints, but I stood my ground. ‘You’re only here for Lean Cuisines. Quit it. Go inside and do your duty.’ I headed straight for my section–that whole aisle of see-through freezers. With my basket in tow, I loaded up on Spaghetti with Meatballs and Lemon Chicken—my two very favorites. I think I’ll be eating these until I’m eighty on my deathbed at Kaiser Hospital, and I’ll turn to you all and murmur, “Can you please go get me some Lean Cuisines? I can’t stand this shitty hospital food.” And you all will know exactly which ones are my favorite.
While topping my basket off with all one product, this couple in their sixties couldn’t help but stare. They stopped looking for what they were looking for, even stopped talking to each other, and stared right at me, mouths agape. I looked up from the bottom of the freezer (the Spaghetti with Meatballs are always on the bottom, for some reason) and shook my head, admitting out loud, “I know, I know. I can’t cook.” Then I stood up and headed straight for checkout.
A Chinese woman rang up my basket, sliding package after package of Lean Cuisine through her checker. “Fowty-eight, fifty six.” She called out. I slid my credit card through the processor. The cashier looked quizzically at her monitor and furrowed her eyebrow. “Customer won fwee movie tickets. Hand customer tickets……..Uhhhh, Wisa, you see dis message befow? Fwee movie tickets.”
“No. Hmmm, call the manager.”
My cashier calls the manager, hangs up, and says, “He coming wid your tickets. You won fwee movie tickets because you buy so many Lean Cuisines.”
Cool! I was elated to have won something, simply because I bought a bunch of Lean Cuisines. Two free tickets to any movie theater. I’m thinking I should go watch the Best Picture at the Academy Awards which would be No Country for Old Men.
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