Since I got my bonus and no real useful place to invest it, I decided to treat my sister to a laptop.

Email from Me to Therese

Hey Tree, because I am in the giving mood, I’d like to buy you and your family a MacBook up to $1,000. I feel blessed that I got my bonus, that I still have a job, and that I have a boyfriend who adores me. I’m just so happy and want to share in the wealth.

I would highly recommend my own laptop which is a MacBook with a retail price of $999. You can choose to upgrade, but I will cover the first $999.

Also, if you can tell me exactly what you want, I will purchase it. Wells Fargo has a special discount with Mac and I would have to do the purchase through an internal web site.

The gift will cover me for the next year, including the following holidays and birthdays:
April – Easter
July – Benicio’s Birthday
September – Ronnie
October – Therese’s Birthday
December – Christmas
January – Dominic’s Birthday

Email from Therese to Me

Cat! What an extremely generous gift! Well, although I think that one grand is a steep price for a present, I would be happy to be a Mac buddy with you! And yes, of course, the Mac will cover all the big events for the next year.

So after looking at the website, the basic MacBook for $999 will be just fine. Ronnie looked at the UCSF website and his faculty discount would be $949 with free shipping. Does Wells Fargo have the same discount?

I’m happy that you are happy and we can all be happy with our happy MacBooks! I love you, Cat! I’m so glad that things are going well for you.

Love,
Tree

Dean and I have been together for a little over six weeks, but our relationship is in over-drive. He reworked his walk-in closet by purchasing a closet organizer from The Container Store so that I now have use of half of it. We have keys, extra sets of clothing, and toiletries at each others’ places. He’s meeting my family this weekend. I’m meeting his family next weekend.

Then I found out he was still on Match.com.

I found out late at night after he had called me drunk from his favorite neighborhood bar. I tried calling him immediately, but knew I wouldn’t be able to reach him. He’d already said he was wasted and wanted to call me before passing out.

Here is how it played out over email.
Email from Catherine to Dean
Subject: very important

you totally lied to me.

you said you got off match.com and clearly you did not. i find it completely humiliating to have a friend tell me that your profile is still active on the site. dean, i don’t even know what to say. i didn’t even know how to respond.

i am so infuriated and sad and hurt. i would like to make up some drastic excuse like i’ve come down with pneumonia or something to that sort to cancel the party. i cannot imagine going through with it.

i wish i could call you now and confront you, but i know you’re drunk and probably won’t even answer the phone. i don’t even know where you are. i can’t even trust you anymore.

whatever you say—it’ll just be an excuse.

if you still wanted to search around and meet other people, why did you get so serious with me? i feel totally taken advantage of.

i don’t get it. i thought you really cared about me.

i’m going to cancel the party in the early afternoon and say i’ve come down with something. let me know if you think there is a better way to handle.

———————-

I didn’t sleep that night. I took an Ambien, but still tossed and turned after waking up a few hours later. I watched my digital clock flicker minute by minute.

In the morning, I blasted this text:
I sent you an email late last night. I am breaking up with you.

No response. On the verge of losing it, I called him.

“Hi baby. Why are you so mad? I couldn’t return your calls last night because I was drunk. Why do you think I called you before passing out? I’m on my way to work now.”

“Dean, why are you still on Match? I saw that you logged on a few days ago. You are an asshole and I never want to talk to you again. I’m breaking up with you. We’re totally done.”

“Baby, baby, baby. I don’t know what you’re talking about. I swear to you I am not on Match, I cancelled my subscription after I met you. I swear!”

“FUCK YOU! You can check it out yourself. You’re still active. I don’t ever want to talk to you again.” I hung up on him.

Email from Dean to Catherine
Baby, I am so sorry. I just got to work myself. Please believe me that I cancelled my subscription. I am going call them right now and get you an answer. No lies; I swear! I love you and do not want to be with anyone else. I am really sorry that you had to go through this.

I’ll email you straight away with an explanation after my call to match.

Email from Catherine to Dean
1. what is wrong with going onto the site if you cancelled your membership? just check it out. you’re active so what’s the big deal. see for yourself.

i want you to think about this scenario:
ed calls you up and says, “your girlfriend is still active on match.” and you’re like, no way, i don’t believe it. and you log in with ed’s username and password and you search nerdyvixen and see that not only is she active, she was just on the site recently. wouldn’t you feel caught off-guard?

2. i don’t know why you can’t just forward me your cancellation. it’s very simple. i will do it right now. very easy. clearly, you cannot do the same.

Follow-up emails from Dean to Catherine
Hold on. I am trying to locate their number without going to the website. Ask yourself about my behavior. I am completely into you and want to be with you all the time. Does this sound like a guy who is on match? Not at all. Give me a minute to prove it.

I just got off the phone with match.com and I have an explanation and proof. It turns out that I cancelled my subscription online, but match kept my profile up (without my knowledge). They are taking it down, sending me an email with all the information. I promise. I love you! You are all that I think about!

I think this is an excellent opportunity to build trust… especially, when everything looks bad. I want you to believe in us… no matter what. Personally, this is something that I am working on.

I can totally see things from your vantage point and I know you’re are handling this better than I would be. I’m still waiting for their email. I’m going to call them again.

I know that you had a hard night and completely understand how you could think I was fooling around. It’s unfortunate. Yet, good news! I wasn’t. You’re going to have to let this go at some point, so we can go back to being in love. I just completed my third call to match in an hour. 

I’m actually pretty green.  I’m the green floor coordinator at my work.  I buy glassware and utensils from thrift stores, wash them, bring them into work, then put signs in the kitchen “Please consider using the dishware in the cupboards and placing in the dishwasher when done.”  I personally run the dishwasher every week.  I think I’m the only one who’s taken ownership of that appliance.  I compost at home.  I gasped when I peeked at Dean’s trash and realized everything goes into one big brown paper bag.  ”Agghh!  There’s a water bottle in there.”

I just felt wrong ending on a sour note with the below post.  Sure, maybe I’ll have a nervous breakdown, but I’m so in love!

I feel a nervous breakdown coming.  I just feel it.  My boss, I think, is having one.  He’s sort of been out of commission for the past two weeks.  When a 60-year-old man is running around on barely any sleep, then is in the office the next day answering calls and talking to investors like it’s no big deal, I thought to myself, “Ok, I don’t know how he does it.  I’m about to keel over from exhaustion.”  Now he’s AWOL.  So that’s what happened.  He wasn’t able to deal.