The All Fat-Consuming Skinny Girl

The facts:

I eat the following every work day: a) either a small plate of eggs and sausage or a large cup of oatmeal that I dump about half a cup of brown sugar in, b) either a bag of Fritos or Dorritos or a small can of Pringles, c) either Nutter Butters, Ferrero Rocher, See’s Candies or a small tub of ice-cream. In addition, I have whatever I’m craving that day for lunch and whatever Dean happens to make for dinner.

I do not engage in any form of physical activity whatsoever. Instead of walking to work (which isn’t far), I take buses and cable cars and use that time to check emails before getting into the office.

I currently weigh close to what I did on the day I graduated from high school back in 1993 which was 78 pounds. I’m 4’10”.

All that said, the point is that my body naturally became healthy the unhealthier I became. When I tried to lose weight, by running and working out and dieting and eating healthy, I couldn’t. But when I stopped trying, that’s when I became skinny. Is this explainable? Does this phenomenon make any sense?

A friend of mine told me that he started seeing a nutritionist recently because even though he swims all the time (trains daily and competes), he cannot shed a single pound. He said, in fact, he’s gained weight despite all his training. And no, it is not muscle because the guy is seriously pudgy. When he told me this, I wanted to blurt out, “Stop being active!” But I don’t have as good enough a friendship with him and didn’t want to hurt his feelings.

This year, I am committed to getting my body naturally healthy to conceive a child. I started by cutting out soda from my diet. That was the easy part. Pretty impressive, though, for someone who used to drink a Diet Coke a day.

Next up: eating healthy. That means:

No sugar – since sugar seems to play a role in my Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS) disorder

Consuming organic – since so much of what we eat has hormones that can really screw with your system

No alcohol – this will be a toughie

No caffeine – this will be easy

I’ve been told that being underweight may be prohibiting us from getting pregnant, or at least play a role in our difficulty. God, we both have a shitload of fertility issues. Here’s my concern: if I start eating healthy and cut out all the cookies and ice-cream and chips that I’m used to eating every single day, then I am going to be 70 pounds before you know it!

Ironically, women who have PCOS tend to be obese. Even my doctor said, “Well, looks like you are the rare skinny person who has PCOS.”

How am I the rare anomaly on 2 fronts.

1) I’ve gone against the grain when it comes to my hormonal disorder. I should be fat, yet I’m skinny.

2) I am the most disgusting eater (often asking waiters “What is the most caloric thing on your menu?”), yet I’m skinny.

Any health experts or nutritionists want to help me understand?

Birds of a Feather

I wouldn’t call it a nightly ritual, but often enough to call it a ritual: the act of browsing, selecting, and savoring See’s Candies. Unfortunately for me, there is a See’s across the street from the 2 Clement bus which I ride home–a mere seven blocks away–because I’m lazy and what better way to own your languor than to inhale milk chocolate in transit. Fortunately for me, the addictive habit never costs more than a couple dollars. Thank you, See’s management, for keeping your prices low and my sweet tooth satisfied.

The middle-aged man ahead of me in line was redeeming a one-pound gift certificate. Pointing, he indicated two of this, two of that. How about two more of this. Two of that. He was clearly a chocolate-choosing novice. I refreshed the emails on my Blackerry to pass the time.

“Are you Pilipino?” I turned around to face a gray-haired woman, several inches shorter than me. She had that non-American accent. I nodded.

“Do you speak Tagalog?” She continued the line of questioning that most Filipinos ask. I politely told her no. My parents are Ilokano. I understand Ilokano, but can’t speak it.

I wondered why I often get asked these questions by Filipino strangers. Is it because I look Filipino? Is it because Filipinos are friendly? Do other ethnic groups do the same? Do Indians approach others, ask if they’re Indian, then ask if they speak a certain dialect?

Is it because I’m American-born that I don’t feel the need to engage in the same friendly banter when I see someone who looks like they have my same ethnic background? Would I feel differently if I were born in the Philippines?

It’s Playa Time

It’s that time of year when I start grinding my teeth at all hours of the day and night. I’ve got sores in my mouth from trying to chomp my stress away. I don’t have time to walk several blocks down to the See’s Candies on Market for a cup of peanut butter patties and a cup of toffee-ettes. My mind is wrapped up in spreadsheets and email. I don’t have a trailer. I don’t have a tent. My clothes are still filthy from last summer.

Why worry? Because it’s playa time! Even though I am so majorly stressed out…what if I fuck up on the schedule?….what if the volunteers aren’t prepared?….what if I mistype the early arrival details?….  Even still, I am brimming with excitement for Burning Man this year. More art than ever, best temple ever, and my (sniff sniff) 10th year. Booyah Vixen for dedication, loyalty, passion, bliss! What have you done for 10 years in a row? School maybe? Worked for the same company possibly?

I guess this makes me a full-fledged Burner 😉

You really can’t understand unless you’ve experienced it. The unbelievable culture, community, genuine caring, partying, amazement, creativity, love. I love love love Burning Man and reaching this milestone has made me misty-eyed. Every email, every meeting, I think, what brilliant people I work with. What amazing volunteers this organization is comprised of.

Burning Man, what a blessing you have been. Thank you.

That’s a picture of me playing with a large-scale Connect Four at my first Burn in 2002.