What Would Jesus Do?

Wowzers, so much is going on! Last night was Mardi Gras. Diet, be damned, I snacked on Girl Scout cookies throughout the day and had a lovely glass of Cabernet at Maven bar/restaurant in the Haight after my acupuncture appointment. Totally counter-productive, but whatever, it was Mardi Gras!

Obama gave a terrific State of the Union. Almost makes me want to join the Congress band wagon. You go, politicians. Earn your keep and send those bills to Obama to sign. We’ve got work to do!

Have you been following the Westminster Kennel Club dog show? For someone who has never owned a dog, I am obsessed. I think the dog who won Best in Show, the affenspinscher named Banana Joe, kinda looks like me. Tiny and hairy!

Photograph: Frank Franklin II/AP


Since Fat Tuesday was last night, that means today is Ash Wednesday and the start of the holy Lenten season, the 40+ days before Easter. Originally, I thought I’d double-down on my diet, and give up sweets and alcohol since I have to do it anyway. That means no cheat days, just plain misery for all of Lent. But I thought that would only serve to make me more of a bitch so I killed that idea.

I prayed last night on what I should do, really do to make myself a better person. Because that’s what it’s all about. Don’t let anyone tell you it’s about giving up your favorite vice like ice-cream or beer. Lent is the season of being more Christ-like. If you give up say coffee, then every time you think of coffee, it should remind you of sacrifice and you should be donating the money to charity. But if every time you want a sip of coffee, you’re counting down the days to Easter when you can stand in line at Starbucks, then that’s not really appropriate.

I have been suffering from a lot of anxiety lately and I determined the best thing for me (and for those around me) is to stop constantly being so stressed out. So I’m going to give up worrying (about the refi, home sale, eating right, Ghost Baby) and whenever I feel a pang of anxiety, I’m going to ask myself, ‘What would Jesus do?’ He’d be really calm and pray. So that’s what I’m going to do. Y’all got to hold me to it now that it’s out there on the blogosphere. Don’t worry be happy.

Nutrition 101

Finally, I have 1 nice thing to say about Kaiser. Well actually I have 2. First, they treat their employees really well: pension, generous 401k match, excellent vacation time, you name it.

It’s great to work for Kaiser, but sucks to be a patient. Thank God for my blog and for social media. If you have a grievance, it’s no use screaming your head off to someone on the phone who isn’t paying attention to begin with. Tell the world the issue and someone who’s tasked with trolling the interweb for the company’s name will contact you and try to play peacemaker. Can’t say that’s solved any of my issues, but at least complaints have been filed and are “being discussed.” Yeah, whatever that means. Keep counting your money, Kaiser, and distribute the wealth among your employees while patients suffer from your gross incompetence!

The main nice thing I wanted to say about Kaiser is that I finally got some quality health care! Granted, I had to be proactive and make the appointment myself, nevertheless the Registered Dietitian I saw was so helpful, giving me one full hour of good counsel. She confirmed my nutritional death sentence, but advised me to take it one step at a time as it looks like I am already overwhelmed. “How about for 2 weeks, you pick one thing out of the list you’re going to give up. Then something else after 2 weeks and we’ll just take it slow.”

She continued, “A glass of wine isn’t going to derail your plan. But make it count. If you’re going to have wine or sugar, make sure it’s something you’re going to savor. Make it your favorite glass of wine or your favorite dessert. Then stop because you should be satisfied.”

So here is the nutritional death sentence.

I need a BMI of 19-20 which means I have to get to 91-95 pounds.

No dairy.

No soy.

No sugar.

No caffeine.

No alcohol.

No aspartame which can be found in gum.

No wheat.

No gluten.


The limited things I can eat:

Fresh fruit and vegetables



Sweet potatoes or yams





Rice cake



Organic Tomato Bisque soup from the SF Soup Co. (but limit soup to 1 cup a day or no more than 2500 mg of sodium a day)

I keep telling myself this isn’t forever. I can do this! The dietitian also has the same disorder I have, PCOS, so she had expert advice and resources for me to research. This is crazy time-consuming. I spend about an hour of every day researching vitamins, herbs, supplements, food products, books, resources, healers, and going to acupuncture. I need another vacation!

That’s All Well and Good

Time for a lifestyle, fitness, health status update.

I started seeing a new acupuncturist today. I found her after doing some research; she was awarded best SF acupuncturist by the San Francisco A-List. I also gravitated toward her undergraduate background: BA in environmental studies from UCSC with an emphasis on biology and writing. Oh yeah! Great minds think alike. I’m excited. We established key metrics and have a plan in place.

She was was pretty impressed with what I’ve done so far to get on track:

  • Stopped taking medication: wellbutrin, ambien, no more botox.
  • Eliminated sugar from my diet.
  • Eliminated caffeine from my diet.
  • Curtailed alcohol consumption.

I feel like I’ve done so much, but I have more homework. Here were her recommendations:

  • Acupuncture 1-2x week.
  • Chinese herbs.
  • Try Juice Plus, PreNatal, PreNatal fish oil.
  • Avoid wheat, soy, dairy. Try almond milk, rice milk, or coconut milk.
  • Eat cooked, warm food and drink.

I see a nutritionist on Monday and will share her recommendations as well.

The All Fat-Consuming Skinny Girl

The facts:

I eat the following every work day: a) either a small plate of eggs and sausage or a large cup of oatmeal that I dump about half a cup of brown sugar in, b) either a bag of Fritos or Dorritos or a small can of Pringles, c) either Nutter Butters, Ferrero Rocher, See’s Candies or a small tub of ice-cream. In addition, I have whatever I’m craving that day for lunch and whatever Dean happens to make for dinner.

I do not engage in any form of physical activity whatsoever. Instead of walking to work (which isn’t far), I take buses and cable cars and use that time to check emails before getting into the office.

I currently weigh close to what I did on the day I graduated from high school back in 1993 which was 78 pounds. I’m 4’10”.

All that said, the point is that my body naturally became healthy the unhealthier I became. When I tried to lose weight, by running and working out and dieting and eating healthy, I couldn’t. But when I stopped trying, that’s when I became skinny. Is this explainable? Does this phenomenon make any sense?

A friend of mine told me that he started seeing a nutritionist recently because even though he swims all the time (trains daily and competes), he cannot shed a single pound. He said, in fact, he’s gained weight despite all his training. And no, it is not muscle because the guy is seriously pudgy. When he told me this, I wanted to blurt out, “Stop being active!” But I don’t have as good enough a friendship with him and didn’t want to hurt his feelings.

This year, I am committed to getting my body naturally healthy to conceive a child. I started by cutting out soda from my diet. That was the easy part. Pretty impressive, though, for someone who used to drink a Diet Coke a day.

Next up: eating healthy. That means:

No sugar – since sugar seems to play a role in my Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS) disorder

Consuming organic – since so much of what we eat has hormones that can really screw with your system

No alcohol – this will be a toughie

No caffeine – this will be easy

I’ve been told that being underweight may be prohibiting us from getting pregnant, or at least play a role in our difficulty. God, we both have a shitload of fertility issues. Here’s my concern: if I start eating healthy and cut out all the cookies and ice-cream and chips that I’m used to eating every single day, then I am going to be 70 pounds before you know it!

Ironically, women who have PCOS tend to be obese. Even my doctor said, “Well, looks like you are the rare skinny person who has PCOS.”

How am I the rare anomaly on 2 fronts.

1) I’ve gone against the grain when it comes to my hormonal disorder. I should be fat, yet I’m skinny.

2) I am the most disgusting eater (often asking waiters “What is the most caloric thing on your menu?”), yet I’m skinny.

Any health experts or nutritionists want to help me understand?


Soda is bad. I’ve always known it. But that fact never stopped me from consuming a can a day. I don’t drink coffee (never liked how it made me feel) so drinking soda was my own way of caffeinating. Instead of feeling left out while others held their white lidded coffee cups, I could hold my shiny silver Diet Coke can with pride.

One day a couple months ago, I decided that soda was evil liquefied and I resolved at that moment to give it up. Haven’t touched it since. I thought it might be challenging once work started to pick up, but I still haven’t had any craving for it. None whatsoever.

I’ve said in the past that I am an all-or-nothing type of person. If I need to diet, I’ll go on the lemonade cleanse (synonymous with starvation). If I need to exercise, why not run a marathon. Same deal with soda. Something clicked in my brain to stop, and I stopped.

I’ve been reading how sugar contributes to my hormonal disorder so I am thinking of giving that up as well. But one thing at a time! A girl has got to have her treats