Dean and I met online and are obviously big proponents of online dating. But just because we’re a success story shouldn’t justify us telling all our single friends to hit the interweb. Us getting together could have very well been luck or a random spark or a freak accident. But what is solid justification is the fact that so many of our friends meet their significant others the same way we did. I’d say less than half of our friends have found their partners online. A friend of mine who met her boyfriend on Match.com is just recently engaged. Can I get a Woot-Woot!
So for all the people out there who refuse to get online or think that it’s weird, well, let’s just say you deserve to be single and alone. The site doesn’t matter: eHarmony, Match, JDate, OkCupid, Craigslist, Grindr. Get on one or two. Like anything else in life, finding your soul mate is hard work. Don’t be jaded by people who easily find partners or who wax on about how it was ‘love at first sight.’ Those people will be divorced in 7 years. Relationships are hard work. Dating is hard work. Short cuts are a sign that the worst is yet to come.
Now about the process. If you are spending all your time thinking about this one date or this one person, you are failing. Dating is synonymous with interviewing. If you focus all your energy on one company and this one very important interview, well, welcome to the world of unemployment checks. What’s the sales mantra? ABC, Always Be Closing. I’m not in sales, so I’m not sure if that’s correct, but you get my gist. ABD, Always Be Dating. Until a guy brings you home to meet his mama, ABD! Until she says, “I’m totally into you and I’m wondering if we can be exclusive,” ABD! You cannot date enough. Fill your calendar with brunch dates, coffee dates, happy hour dates, movie dates.
Why is this important? Because when a date goes poorly, you won’t give a flying F. You’ve got another date tomorrow! Their loss, you’re moving on.
I’m not saying it’s not hard. Yes, you will feel rejected. Yes, you will feel bad. But the more you date, the more you recognize what you’re really looking for in a partner. Even the bad dates teach you something. When I was dating and whenever I had a miserable time, all I kept thinking about was how I couldn’t wait to go home and blog about it! Damn, wait ’til my readers hear about this.
A friend from business school was unbelievably dismissive when it came to rejection. He simply didn’t let it bother him. Couldn’t score a phone number? No big deal, onto the next girl! I was really amazed by his attitude. He’s, in fact, a very successful entrepreneur. Go figure!
Lastly, if all else fails when it comes to online dating, go to Burning Man. This is the 100% money back guaranteed part. People are incredibly open and warm at Burning Man. It’s utopia. Every year that I went to Burning Man when I was single, I always met someone who I went on to date for several months back here in the Bay Area. Granted, while there are a lot of local people who go to the Burn, people come from all over the world. The Canadians don’t have a problem meeting other Canadians. The Irish don’t have a problem meeting other Irish. I mean, take your geographical pick. They are at the event.