30+ Years of Friendship

Last weekend, I got to spend some time with Conrado who was home for the holidays. Conrado has been my friend since the 2nd grade. We’re both 37 years old. That’s 30 years of friendship. Can you believe that? A show of virtual hands if you still talk to someone from elementary school on a regular basis.

I got into an argument with someone over my belief that it’s rare to find people who are still regularly in touch with friends from grammar school or high school. He disagreed. I told him he was the exception. Not sure how to go about finding the right answer, but feel free to comment based on your experience.

Conrado, a friend, and I went to the Badlands in the Castro. Considering I am straight, I’ve been spending way too much time in the gayborhood. Wow, and people were getting down and dirty. OMG. Conrado made the comment that in Seattle, maybe you’d see 2 people dancing at the most. At the Badlands, there must’ve been at least 20 people flailing around on a dance floor the size of a Twister mat. If it hadn’t been a school night, I would’ve stuck around. Good music to dance to.

How Many Friends Can a Person Have?

Daily Post, a few weeks ago, posed how many friends a person can have—an interesting debate that I tucked into my file of blog topics.

Last night, I had drinks with one of my newer friends—someone I’ve known since June 2008. Yes, I consider that a new friend! We had not met up in quite some time. So much time had elapsed that I’d written him off, without any ill intent whatsoever. We’re both extremely busy, probably consumed by our relationships, and associate with opposite crowds. Marina vs Tendernob. Upper crust vs lower crust. Louis Vuitton vs Etsy. He’s great, but we don’t have the time to foster our friendship any longer, especially when we’ve got other friends to attend to.

He initiated a get together which is very uncharacteristic among my friends. Notice how I am always the one planning events and telling people to meet up! I wasn’t convinced by his offer as he’s cancelled on me plenty of times. I’ve done the same, so it’s been mutual. Mutually-hectic.

Yesterday at happy hour was the first time I’d seen him in over a year. His fiancé is a doll and I had a really enjoyable time—just the three of us talking.

The bottom line is that this guy is a true friend—regardless of how much time goes by.

As for Daily Post, it’s really not a question of how many friends can a person have, but how many friendships can you maintain? It is very hard. I have an often-referred-to spreadsheet of approximately 50 close friends that I make sure to maintain a good dialogue with.

But what about the thousand friends on Facebook? Are they acquaintances? Do you go up to acquaintances and give them big hugs? Aren’t friends those we can spend quality time catching up with even when you haven’t seen them in years? Well then they are my friends, all thousand of them.

I Love So Many Things

During the homily, the priest talked about some of the things my uncle loved. A few of the things caught me by surprise and it made me wonder if people know what I love.


Books and libraries, fiction

Looking at great art, going to museums

Getting mail—the good kind, not bills or credit card promotions

My mom’s cooking. She cooks with a lot of fresh vegetables. Her food is healthy and good for you. But I especially love her lumpia. It’s the BEST. During the holidays, I could eat one after another, with big scoops of my aunt’s spinach dip. Amazing!

Oysters, foie gras, french fries, ice-cream cake, milk chocolate

Travelling, exploring, hiking

The Bay Area, NYC, Burning Man, Palm Springs

When others do the cooking

Pink flowers of all kinds—roses, carnations, whatever

Restaurants, wine tasting, happy hour, brunch

Steam rooms


My amazing family and friends

What do you love? Do people know?

When Your Friends Break Up with Your Friends

How many of you have been heartbroken to find out your friends who were a couple go splitsville? I’m not referring to those people who go from one fling to another. I’m talking about your friend who has a significant other, that significant other becomes your friend too. All’s well…until it doesn’t end well.

Ever wonder why it’s called a break-up when it’s more like a break-down, or let-down depending on who’s doing the breaking up.

Your original friend starts hinting that she wants you to defriend her ex-boyfriend. She makes it clear that her friends are off-limits. Is recess around the corner because I didn’t think we acted like that in our mid-thirties!

I am friends with a broken-up couple who had a lot to vent about. Over drinks, he said, “She was cheating on me, you know? That bitch was cheating on me with someone she said was a good friend. I’m so glad I’m done with her.”

Over coffee, she said, “He was paranoid. He thought I was cheating on him with one of my best friends. Really jealous. He had major self-esteem issues.”

If it weren’t so tragic, breakups would be comical. What is very tragic is when your broken-up friend starts dating someone no one likes. And you can’t help but compare the new guy to the old guy. And you’re like, what is she thinking? This new guy is a major trade-down. How can I say this diplomatically, your new boyfriend is a loser! Then they get married and you’re like, doh, forget what I said about your husband. All that’s in the past.