Fashion Friday: Pick Your Diet, They All Work

I read about this new diet called the Fast Diet, devised by a British doctor. The tag line for the book is ‘eat what you like..most of the time.’ How it works is you consume whatever your heart desires, but on 2 days out of the week, your consumption is restricted to 500 calories.

I am not trying to lose weight, but I am always intrigued by the latest fad diets as I used to be a manic dieter. I find diets and exercise so laughable and kind of defeating.

Here’s the truth. This diet works. Trust me, it does. Want to know another secret? All diets work! Yeah, they all do! I’m not being sarcastic, I’m being completely honest. The Paleo diet, the Atkins diet, the Zone, the lemonade diet (i.e., the lobotomy diet), all of them work. But as soon as you decide you’ve had enough, say hello to that long lost friend called blubber. End that diet and you can say sayonara to that sleek lean body of yours.

I feel the same way about exercise. I know, I know, no one believes me that exercise is bad for your health. But whatever. You just keep running, biking, and taking those yoga classes while I enjoy life.

Because of fertility reasons, I’m banned from sugar, but here’s what I ate on my cheat day—a ginormous chocolate chip cookie from the Grove in the Fillmore.

What Would Jesus Do?

Wowzers, so much is going on! Last night was Mardi Gras. Diet, be damned, I snacked on Girl Scout cookies throughout the day and had a lovely glass of Cabernet at Maven bar/restaurant in the Haight after my acupuncture appointment. Totally counter-productive, but whatever, it was Mardi Gras!

Obama gave a terrific State of the Union. Almost makes me want to join the Congress band wagon. You go, politicians. Earn your keep and send those bills to Obama to sign. We’ve got work to do!

Have you been following the Westminster Kennel Club dog show? For someone who has never owned a dog, I am obsessed. I think the dog who won Best in Show, the affenspinscher named Banana Joe, kinda looks like me. Tiny and hairy!

Banana Joe, Westminster dog show 2013

Photograph: Frank Franklin II/AP

 

Since Fat Tuesday was last night, that means today is Ash Wednesday and the start of the holy Lenten season, the 40+ days before Easter. Originally, I thought I’d double-down on my diet, and give up sweets and alcohol since I have to do it anyway. That means no cheat days, just plain misery for all of Lent. But I thought that would only serve to make me more of a bitch so I killed that idea.

I prayed last night on what I should do, really do to make myself a better person. Because that’s what it’s all about. Don’t let anyone tell you it’s about giving up your favorite vice like ice-cream or beer. Lent is the season of being more Christ-like. If you give up say coffee, then every time you think of coffee, it should remind you of sacrifice and you should be donating the money to charity. But if every time you want a sip of coffee, you’re counting down the days to Easter when you can stand in line at Starbucks, then that’s not really appropriate.

I have been suffering from a lot of anxiety lately and I determined the best thing for me (and for those around me) is to stop constantly being so stressed out. So I’m going to give up worrying (about the refi, home sale, eating right, Ghost Baby) and whenever I feel a pang of anxiety, I’m going to ask myself, ‘What would Jesus do?’ He’d be really calm and pray. So that’s what I’m going to do. Y’all got to hold me to it now that it’s out there on the blogosphere. Don’t worry be happy.

I’ve Gone Viral!

I have the flu! I am so miserable. I felt it coming on Friday night, then Saturday morning I was feverish and achy. I have every flu symptom imaginable. My head is throbbing. I am horribly congested. My cough sound like the devil is stuck in my chest. When I cough, I have to clutch my head tightly because it hurts so bad. I’m either hot and sweaty or suffering from the chills. I have spent the past 3 days in bed: Saturday, Sunday watching the Superbowl, and skipping work this Monday.

This is the worst timing.

My cousin gets married in Carmel on Friday.

My tenants move out on Monday which means I have to get my condo prepped for sale.

And I am losing weight. Not necessarily because of the flu, but this damn gluten-free, super-healthy diet is completely counter-productive when it comes to gaining weight. I am never going to gain weight if I can’t eat cookies and ice-cream! I am not going to gain weight eating nuts, fresh fruit and veggies, organic meat, and avocados. Not going to happen. Something has got to give. Not sure how much longer I can stick to this stupid diet.

I spoke to the advice nurse at Kaiser who was beyond helpful. She listened to each of my symptoms, then gave me a remedy for each. Advil – check. Pseudophedrine – check. Cough suppressant with codeine sent to the pharmacy for me to pickup. She told me to go to the drug store and get Afrin and saline and water spray if I didn’t want the jittery feeling caused by Pseudophedrine. So I headed down to Walgreen’s a few blocks away and I’m thinking I could potentially be infecting people right now at this very moment while I shop in the Cold and Flu section. But what’s a sick girl to do? I need relief!

Abstinence

Soda is bad. I’ve always known it. But that fact never stopped me from consuming a can a day. I don’t drink coffee (never liked how it made me feel) so drinking soda was my own way of caffeinating. Instead of feeling left out while others held their white lidded coffee cups, I could hold my shiny silver Diet Coke can with pride.

One day a couple months ago, I decided that soda was evil liquefied and I resolved at that moment to give it up. Haven’t touched it since. I thought it might be challenging once work started to pick up, but I still haven’t had any craving for it. None whatsoever.

I’ve said in the past that I am an all-or-nothing type of person. If I need to diet, I’ll go on the lemonade cleanse (synonymous with starvation). If I need to exercise, why not run a marathon. Same deal with soda. Something clicked in my brain to stop, and I stopped.

I’ve been reading how sugar contributes to my hormonal disorder so I am thinking of giving that up as well. But one thing at a time! A girl has got to have her treats :)

The Weekend in List Form

Saturday

Slept in. This is a luxury I cannot fathom giving up. I have been sleeping in on weekends since I was born. I remember talking to a friend about how I sleep in until around 11am almost every weekend and he said, “What’re you like 16 years old?”

Hung out with friends and their twins. Dean’s really good with kids. I think they think he’s one of them, but just super tall.

Got car tires changed. My mechanic, the Toy Shop on Geary, is the best. If you own a Japanese car, get your car fixed at the Toy Shop. Very good at what they do, and honest with reasonable prices. I love the guys there. The only thing they don’t do are tires so we had to get those changed elsewhere.

Watched the new Skyfall movie. Entertaining. Can’t say it’s the best Bond flick ever, but pretty good. I think it’s been hyped up so much, I was disappointed.

Dinner at Mr. Pollo. I will review in another post.

Sunday

Slept in

Got my toe nails painted. Cut my own nails, filed them, then went to the nail salon across the street and had them do a french paint.

Drinks at the Phoenix. The Mission is now fully packed on the weekends. We went to 3 places in a row and there wasn’t any place to sit.

Dinner at Mission Chinese. Still, hands-down, one of my favorite restaurants in the city. Last weekend, I went to Chinatown and ate at Great Eastern which is the restaurant Obama got take-out from. I swear to God I gained 3 pounds when I weighed myself the next day. What a waste of calories, the food wasn’t even good. But Mission Chinese is good Chinese food, not that crappy stuff they serve in the bowels of Chinatown. After gorging on Mission Chinese, I weighed myself the next day bracing myself for another 3 pound gain and I swear to God I lost 2 pounds. Who loses weight after eating Chinese food? Mission Chinese–best diet ever.

Drinks at Beauty Bar. The place has turned into a major decrepit dive. Wow, won’t be going back there again.

Wine at a friend’s house. Can’t go wrong drinking wine with a friend who has hundreds of bottles at his home.

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