Kate Middleton’s Bastard Child

Posted on December 5, 2012 // 1 Comment

No disrespect to the royal family, but bear with me on considering this possibility. Let’s say Prince William is not the father of Kate Middleton’s baby. Would the kid still be in line for the throne?

We know that this can’t be true because the newlywed couple only have eyes for each other—that’s obvious. But I use the above example to point out what a sham this whole monarchical system is.

Granted I come from the land of opportunity where we do not have a monarchy, nor do we have a caste system. We Americans believe that intelligence, hard work, and sheer determination lead to wealth and power. We do not believe in divine right!

But that’s what the monarchy is, correct? Power is passed down hereditarily by divine right. Maybe the royals don’t use those specific terms, but that is the history.

The example isn’t all that insane considering Prince Harry (currently 3rd in line to the throne) is rumored to be the offspring of one of Princess Diana’s lovers. He sure doesn’t look like Prince Charles if you ask me. If he’s not of royal blood, does he get kicked out? How are illegitimate children factored into succession? Or are they not? Interesting question, eh?

What are we, still in the Victorian or Elizabethan age? People, this is 2012! I cannot fathom how this form of government has gone on for this long. You may counter that the Queen’s duties are largely ceremonial, but she can exercise power in extreme circumstances. Her picture is on the currency for goodness sake.

I’m absolutely befuddled at how the Queen can be so popular when you don’t know what she thinks. She rarely voices her opinion or gives any indication that she has any brain cells. Sure she waves. Sure she shows up for events. I can do those duties just fine and I ain’t no queen. I wonder whether her admirers have brains themselves to worship such a person. A brainless person.

I’m not saying she is brainless. I’m only saying that any automaton can be the head of the Commonwealth nations simply because they were born into it.

Prince Charles will be the next King. Any man who dumps Diana for that tranny Camilla has major problems! Am I wrong?

Polls indicate overwhelming popularity for the Royal Family. Please educate me. Help me understand. I don’t get it. Don’t get it at all.

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Mission Chinese: the Good, the Bad, and the Yummy

Posted on July 19, 2011 // 2 Comments

I don’t have good recall, but I vaguely remember writing how much I love Commonwealth. It must be divine intervention that my new favorite restaurant is one apartment building over. Any budding restauranteur would be wise to open up shop in the retail space sandwiched between Mission Chinese and Commonwealth. Cha-ching!

I don’t know about y’all, but I’m not really a fan of chinese food. The only time I get a craving for honey walnut prawns is when this piggy forgets to eat, throws back the cocktails, and wakes up to a pig pen of a day. Completely shot and wasted.

Not in the mood for food, but knowing that grease makes it better, I drove us shell-shocked at 2pm on a Saturday afternoon to the Mission.

“This place gets mixed reviews,” I told Dean. “Let’s check it out.”

Over a year old, the place retained the sign of its predecessor Lung Shan with Mission Chinese written in sharpie on a piece of 8×11 paper taped to the front door. Despite the lack of formalities–including seating yourself–this joint ain’t no dive. A dive is Tu Lan on 6th and Market. A dive is Cordon Bleu on California. Mission Chinese is like the downstairs area of R&G Lounge! Cmon, people, quit saying Mission Chinese is a dive. It even has one of those long, sparkly dragon puppets strung up on the ceiling.

The service is regimented–a whole gamut of non-English speaking and American-born asians who aren’t into feigning friendliness.

Our soda cans arrived on our table like they’d rolled out of a vending machine. What you see is what you get. No extra glass, no ice, no straw. I was having major doubts until the food came.

A tea cup of well-spiced szechuan pickles–which was more napa cabbage than pickles.

The tiger salad should be renamed fresh spring rolls. Not sure why they called it a salad. This was too minty. Use half the mint, please. But so fresh. I guess it was too fresh for my hungover taste buds.

Salt cod fried rice–the god of all fried rice. So light, fluffy, and tasty. Best fried rice of my asian life.

Pork belly. Ok, I already said the fried rice was the best. Do I also have to say the pork belly was the best? I must. That was the crispiest, yummiest pork belly in all my years of dreaming of fried pig parts.

A little over $30 including the tip plus leftovers for later.

FOUR HAPPY THUMBS UP!

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Restaurant Review: Commonwealth

Posted on June 9, 2011 // Leave a Comment

I’ve mentioned before that I’m a firm believer that Commonwealth is one of the best restaurants in the city. If not the best, I guarantee it’s the best value. So for all y’all who live in San Francisco and all y’all who plan on visiting our annoyingly cold city, make sure to get a reservation at Commonwealth.

Let’s talk about even before you step foot in the restaurant. There is parking. I’m talking smack dab in the Mission. Not valet, not paid. Drive your beat-up Honda or Toyota right into their parking lot, lock the doors, and head inside. What really impresses me–probably on par with the food–are the people who work there. I don’t know how they managed to hire the best wait staff, but wowee, they’re so down-to-earth! You know how you go to Prospect or Coi or any of those 4-dollar sign restaurants that I never really go to, and the servers are so robotically sweet you have a sense that they’re either being watched or have a metal rod up their ass? At Commonwealth, you feel like you’re shooting the shit with long lost friends.

Don’t worry about not having a reservation. We were there on a Thursday night at 7:30pm and there was plenty of open seating at the bar. And the atmosphere throughout the restaurant is cozy.

Since I’m manic and have had the blues, I thought we’d go for the chef’s tasting menu. I love tasting menus. You are regaled with all these appetizer-sized plates that you’d get all the time if it weren’t so damn expensive. Normal tasting menus in the city go for $120-125. Commonwealth? $65. That’s right, people. Half the price of most other restaurants. We added the wine pairing for an additional $30. Does not get any better than that. Oh wait, it does. $10 from the sale of each tasting menu is given to a local charity.

Here’s what we had:

ocean trout tartare, beets, frozen horseradish // Nobles Ranch Sonoma Coast pinot noir rose

radishes in various forms, goat’s milk butter, sunflower seeds / / Xavier Frissant Loire Valley sauvignon rose

asparagus custard, abalone, mushroom, chorizo, jalapeno // Charles Bove Vouvray chenin blanc

lamb sweetbreads, fava beans, daikon, mustard caviar // Luciano Landi Marche lacrima di morro d’alba

apricot sorbet, honey – lime soda

peanut butter semifreddo, chocolate ganache, frozen popcorn // Quinta de la Rosa Douro, Portugal tawny port

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