Reader Comment

Posted on March 15, 2013 // 4 Comments

This is a reader comment from my post yesterday that I would like to bring to the forefront as it’s given me some reassurance after dealing with more flak than I could handle yesterday. Got into a heated argument with a friend and he essentially said he questions my character for belonging to the Catholic faith. That is a big sharp stab in the heart. Hurts even more as I prayed for him and his partner to be blessed with the child they have now. Seems like the care I put into the friendship matters little.

Anyhow, I’ve been in a glum mood, but looking to move past it. Everyone who commented helped ease the pain. Robin’s comment below. I follow her very courageous and beautiful blog here.

I am sorry people have been unkind and judgmental to you.  Any organization is going to have weak members.  There are always those who are members in name only, not in practice.  I’m not Catholic, but I have a great admiration for those who dedicate themselves to the worship of God — in any religion.  Anyone who tries to become a better person, who tries to improve their corner of the world, who serves others is a good person in my eyes.  I am saddened when people lose their faith because their leaders prove they are human.  Or because of the behavior of a few members of the faith.  The truth of the gospel doesn’t depend on the people.  The truth is the truth.

Congratulations on the new Pope.  From what I’ve read it sounds like he is a good man who has great potential to bring peace, unity, and healing.  He and your church are in my prayers during this time of transition.

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High Hopes for the Pope

Posted on March 14, 2013 // 12 Comments

While I was hoping for an American pope, I’m happy that he’s from the Americas! I’m even more thrilled that from what I’ve read Argentinian Cardinal Jorge Bergoglio seems more attuned to the mainstream Catholic flock than his predecessor. The new pope shuns excesses, embraces public transportation, and condones contraception (which completely goes against traditional Catholic teaching). And as a Jesuit priest he believes in fostering interfaith relationships—a huge departure from Emeritus Pope Benedict who butted heads with other faith leaders.

Cardinal Bergoglio has chosen to be called Pope Francis after St. Francis of Assisi, the patron saint of animals. There was a seagull sitting atop the Sistine Chapel chimney not too long before the white smoke billowed. Apparently a sign of the good news to come. Moreover, St. Francis is the patron saint of our beautiful city of San Francisco. How much are you loving this pope already?

Many people have seen this announcement of the new pope as an opportunity to state their hatred of the Catholic Church. Everyone has a right to their own opinion. I respect that, but as a Catholic, I can’t help but feel hurt.

I get it. I have vehemently criticized the Church’s handling of the sexual abuse against our children. It disgusts me and I pray for solutions and healing.

Yes, it’s disappointing that Pope Francis is against gay marriage, but we are not all perfect. We cannot expect our leaders to be 100% aligned with our beliefs. There are a lot of things I didn’t like about Obama, but did that keep me from voting for him? Hell no! Nor did I like the fact that Bill Clinton is a philandering sex addict, but does that mean I don’t respect him? Of course not! I love Bill!!!

Truth be told, Abraham Lincoln did not believe in the equality of black and whites. But does that mean, we don’t respect him as a leader who worked toward abolishing slavery? I won’t answer that questions as I hope you’re starting to understand my train of thought and can have some compassion for all of our leaders despite their faults!

Lastly, I take huge offense to people who blanket the Catholic Church as the devil in religious form. Someone said to me offhandedly today, not intending at all to be mean-spirited, “I didn’t think there were any good Catholics.”

Are you F*ing kidding me? Catholic people give. We cook meals for the poor. We tend to the sick. We donate our time and our money. Not just Catholics, but all religions. So don’t give me that crap that Catholics aren’t good people. Just go shove it.

And finally, it perturbs me when relapsed Catholics say they no longer believe in what the Church stands for. You clearly are not going to the right church! Do not let negative publicity and poor public relations keep you from spirituality that’s right for you. You must choose to find it!

I belong to a number of different parishes, but St. Agnes has a very telling statement on the home page of their website.

 

Welcome to St. Agnes Church

INCLUSIVE

DIVERSE

JESUIT

 

PRAYERFUL LITURGIES,

WELL-PREPARED HOMILIES,

AND GRACIOUS HOSPITALITY.

 

Saint Agnes draws

WOMEN AND MEN,

YOUNG AND OLD,

GAY AND STRAIGHT,

 

To what some call

THE LAST CHANCE PARISH.

 

It is truly Catholic—

ALL ARE WELCOME!

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What Would Jesus Do?

Posted on February 13, 2013 // 2 Comments

Wowzers, so much is going on! Last night was Mardi Gras. Diet, be damned, I snacked on Girl Scout cookies throughout the day and had a lovely glass of Cabernet at Maven bar/restaurant in the Haight after my acupuncture appointment. Totally counter-productive, but whatever, it was Mardi Gras!

Obama gave a terrific State of the Union. Almost makes me want to join the Congress band wagon. You go, politicians. Earn your keep and send those bills to Obama to sign. We’ve got work to do!

Have you been following the Westminster Kennel Club dog show? For someone who has never owned a dog, I am obsessed. I think the dog who won Best in Show, the affenspinscher named Banana Joe, kinda looks like me. Tiny and hairy!

Banana Joe, Westminster dog show 2013

Photograph: Frank Franklin II/AP

 

Since Fat Tuesday was last night, that means today is Ash Wednesday and the start of the holy Lenten season, the 40+ days before Easter. Originally, I thought I’d double-down on my diet, and give up sweets and alcohol since I have to do it anyway. That means no cheat days, just plain misery for all of Lent. But I thought that would only serve to make me more of a bitch so I killed that idea.

I prayed last night on what I should do, really do to make myself a better person. Because that’s what it’s all about. Don’t let anyone tell you it’s about giving up your favorite vice like ice-cream or beer. Lent is the season of being more Christ-like. If you give up say coffee, then every time you think of coffee, it should remind you of sacrifice and you should be donating the money to charity. But if every time you want a sip of coffee, you’re counting down the days to Easter when you can stand in line at Starbucks, then that’s not really appropriate.

I have been suffering from a lot of anxiety lately and I determined the best thing for me (and for those around me) is to stop constantly being so stressed out. So I’m going to give up worrying (about the refi, home sale, eating right, Ghost Baby) and whenever I feel a pang of anxiety, I’m going to ask myself, ‘What would Jesus do?’ He’d be really calm and pray. So that’s what I’m going to do. Y’all got to hold me to it now that it’s out there on the blogosphere. Don’t worry be happy.

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On Raising Children without God

Posted on January 27, 2013 // 1 Comment

In one of the highest viewed posts to CNN’s iReport site, a contributor recently posted her views on religion in an article titled ‘Why I Raise My Children without God.’ While I am a regular church-going, daily-praying Catholic, I staunchly respect her view. Everyone has a right to their own opinion. What kind of society would we live in if we could force our religion, our politics, our personal beliefs on others? What would that say about our religion, our values, our ability at acceptance if we refused to acknowledge counter-points?

The CNN blogger rightly brings up interesting rebuttals to the presence of God. I understand that it would be difficult to believe in a deity who cannot be seen or heard. She writes, “No imaginary person is going to give us the answers or tell us why. Only we have the ability to be logical and to problem solve, and we should not abdicate these responsibilities to “God” just because a topic is tough or uncomfortable to address.” I can fully appreciate that instead of believing, she’s going to take accountability and work to solve problems. There are too many religious people who say that everything is God’s will which drives me bat-shit-cray-cray. God helps those who help themselves. Get it together, people!

I believe in God mainly because I was raised in the faith. If I hadn’t been forced to go to church every week, or attend Catholic schools, or pray every night, I probably wouldn’t believe either. Instead, I was immersed in Catholicism. My best friends believe. I married a man who, along with his family, shares my religion.

Did I ever question the existence of God? Of course, because I am a free thinker! But at the end of the day, I don’t have scientific evidence. I can’t give a powerpoint presentation with specific bullet points on why God is all-knowing. This is why it’s called faith. Is it blind faith? Of course not. Everyone has their own road to believe or not. But I can personally say that God listens. That is my truth and that’s what’s important. It’s actually all that matters.

Because religion is important to me, I will raise my child in the faith. That includes church, prayers, and all the rituals that go along with Catholicism. It includes private Catholic school which for me is non-negotiable. I want my kid to be loved by our faith, to love the faith, but most importantly to have a foundation of love and acceptance.

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The AmbASSador: A Crappy Tale

Posted on December 2, 2012 // Leave a Comment

I saw on Eater.com that the Ambassador Bar closed last Thursday. A pang fluttered in my heart as it used to be one of my favorites. I have countless memories from my time spent there, but none quite as grotesque as the following—a tale that rivals any parent’s worst diaper blowout.

There is a picture of me taken at the Ambassador, a bar in the Tenderloin seven years ago. I’m smiling broadly, practically laughing, with flushed pink cheeks. My friend is picking me up with one arm and his fiance with the other arm. We are utterly happy, celebrating his 30th birthday.

She had planned the evening perfectly by securing a private booth and ordering endless rounds of drinks. Some of us would spill out onto the dance floor, while others remained in the booth to chat. As closing time approached, I knew I had to get home, having crossed my threshold of alcohol consumption. I felt this innate sonar kick in. Must transport home. NOW!

I grabbed my purse, discreetly making a beeline for the door without mentioning my departure to the birthday crew. A friend snagged me. “Hey you can’t leave. We’re going to Osha Thai as soon as the bar closes.”

I looked him in the eye and did what any good Catholic girl does when she’s in a bind. I lied. “Yeah!” I screamed way too enthusiastically. “I just have to make a phone call. I’ll be back in a sec.” As soon as I walked outside of the bar, I turned around to make sure my friend hadn’t followed, then stepped out onto the street and flailed my hands furiously for a cab. Thankfully, a Yellow Cab pulled up momentarily.

I directed him to my home address, a 5 minute ride, no more than $10. When he stopped in front of my place, I handed him $20 and continued to hold out my hand for the change. He turned away without looking back.

“Hey what about my change!” I demanded.

“Get out,” he barked.

I opened the door and slammed it as hard as I could. “Fucking asshole,” I muttered. I couldn’t get too angry though, since I was immensely glad to be home. I was nauseous and fearful, cognizant that I had had too much to drink.

Hot showers always do me a world of good and figured it would help me achieve a good night’s sleep. But the shower had the opposite effect of calm. While luxuriating in heavenly steam and warmth, I began puking, like a garden hose with a kink in it–intermittent bursts of alcohol regurgitated between breaths. I doubled over, crying and clutching my stomach. The worst, however, was ahead: fecal incontinence. I had completely lost control of my body. Tears were streaming down my face. Snot was pouring through my nose. I was vomiting and shitting too. So disgusted by the excrement, I vowed to take care of the mess first thing in the morning.

But at that moment, all I wanted was to make it through the night. Whatever it takes. Whatever crap (literally) ensues. Flush the poison out.

I lathered myself three times over with soap. I scrubbed, I shampooed. I brushed my teeth. I removed my contacts. I was finally ready for bed.

Despite the shower horror, I slept peacefully and woke up the next morning relieved it was a Sunday. I stepped outside my bedroom door into the hallway. My black dress was crumpled on the floor, pink high heels laying on their sides. I picked the dress up to hang. Orange and brown chunks clung to the wool down the front. Without realizing it, I’d thrown up all over myself. I pondered, no wonder the cab driver kept my change. Could I have made a mess in the cab?

Oh drudge. I stuffed the dress into a plastic bag, horrified for the dry cleaner. But that was the least of my concerns. I had a Sunday brunch date with the shower.

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Anniversary Mass at the Oakland Cathedral

Posted on September 19, 2012 // Leave a Comment

My parents kicked off their 40th wedding anniversary festivities with a 3pm mass on Saturday at the Cathedral of Christ the Light in Oakland. They were married on September 23, 1972 at St. Mary’s church in Oakland which is no longer functioning. That’s also where we were baptized. All of the documents recording these events have been subsumed under the Cathedral which is where I easily (to my surprise) located my baptismal certificate required for our Catholic wedding. I called the receptionist and she mailed it out that same day. Crazy!

It was a full mass with a cantor (she had an unbelievable voice), an organist, readings read by me and my sister, petitions read by my brother-in-law, a homily by a priest of my parents’ choosing, and communion. My sister made boutonnieres for all the relatives who were at my parents’ wedding 40 years ago. It’s pretty amazing that almost all the attendees made it to the anniversary mass 40 years later!

One blast from the past picture, then the recent pics. The last picture is a subset of my mom’s family (a brother and two sisters and their respective children). There are 2 sets of natural twins; see if you can pinpoint them.

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Jesus Unveiled: The Committed Christ

Posted on September 15, 2012 // 1 Comment

If you follow current events closely, you may have seen the headline-popping research that points to Jesus potentially having married. Specifically, the NY Times featured this article titled Historian Says Piece of Papyrus Refers to Jesus’ Wife. This is MAJOR. As someone who has been inculcated in Catholic doctrine, where there is absolutely no discussion of alternative gospel stories, I’ve widely assumed that Jesus lived the life of a singleton. His life as an unmarried penitent man lays the foundation for those who choose to be priests and leaders of the Catholic Church. Like Jesus, they too, cannot marry, cannot have sex, essentially cannot be human. I have always believed that a life of celibacy is the Church’s downfall as it leads priests to prey on and molest our children. How often do you see Episcopalian priests (they have the opportunity to marry) in the news for sexual deviancy, yet it happens time and time again, lawsuit after lawsuit with Catholic priests. What is the Church’s response? Denial, hush money, cover-ups. Pure evil!

The potential that Jesus was actually a married man would destroy the foundation for a male-only priesthood and I believe, would lead to a more righteous and genuine leadership. This research is well-timed given the rift that is currently playing out between Catholic priests and nuns. The Vatican issued a warning recently to the nuns telling them to refrain from their outspoken ways and to conform. Clearly, the Church doesn’t like its members to think, only to obey.

This archaic papyrus deemed by historians, theologians, and papyrologists to be authentic is significant because it gives some credence to long-running rumors that Jesus may have been married and may have potentially partnered with the prostitute Mary Magdalene. All this is relevant because it proves not only that Jesus was human, had human desires, but also was unwavering in loving all people.

Whatever the truth is, I believe. Whether he was married, single, gay, hetero, bi, whatever, I love the man. That is my faith. But the Vatican can be so holier-than-thou annoying that it’d be quite a hoot to find out that their way was wrong this whole time. Why women cannot partake in the priesthood is beyond me.

Brewing about this post, I remember watching an episode of the 1970s TV show Good Times. JJ brought home a painting of Jesus that he found at a garage sale. When his mom came home after work she was like, “What is that?” JJ said he thought she’d like it since it was a picture of Jesus. What’s funny is that in the picture Jesus is black. His mom freaked, “I been praying to Jesus my whole life and I know he ain’t black.” That episode cracked me up and I thought about it fondly while writing this. We all have our pre-conceived notions about what we believe in. And that’s fine. When you pray, you envision someone. That’s ok. But when rules are made predicated on antiquated scripture (women can’t be priests, gays can’t marry…that’s what’s in the gospel!), then that’s where you have to open your mind and consider, did Jesus draw those kind of boundaries? It’s the spirit of the law, people. Cmon! Open your brains!

Last thing that made me chuckle out loud. One of the comments on the NY Times article said, “If Jesus did get married, I hope he had a happy one and I hope his wife didn’t nag him too much about getting a real job.”

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Update: Church, Child, and Choice

Posted on August 15, 2012 // Leave a Comment

Like a good Catholic girl, I went to this site late last year and made note of all the holy days of obligation in my calendar. These are special days when you gotta go to church. Considering I go to church regularly (above and beyond the Christmas and Easter Catholics) and I attend during the holy days, I swear I deserve extra credit. So where, God, is my little rugrat? I’m teasing, I believe in God’s plan!

We are currently on insemination #4. In a previous post, I wrote about my $400+ Kaiser bill. Well I called them today and gave them a piece of my mind, starting with the fact that the column indicating how much I had paid didn’t stack up with my receipts. Also, there were obvious inconsistencies with their charges. “Why is it that an IUI costs $125 during one visit, yet the exact same procedure at the same facility costs $89 on a different day?” I contested. The rep calmly replied she would certainly look into it. “While you’re at it, please stop sending me notifications that I’m past due with my payments. I will not pay one cent until Kaiser gets their act together. Can you go ahead and make a note of that somewhere in my account?”

Oh yes back to the house of God. I’m at Old St. Mary’s for the 5:15pm mass for the Assumption which is the Virgin Mary’s assumption to heaven after she dies. While I’m there, I start thinking about the deaths at the Sikh temple, praying for those who died, and plotting my exit strategy if a cuckoo gun man came in. What has this world come to with so many senseless deaths, yet people insist on their right to bear arms. OMG. Really? Sick. It makes me sick.

I swear I would vote for any candidate who actually took actionable steps to control this issue. Instead I’ve got to choose between the lesser of two evils. Even though my CPA said I was essentially screwed tax-wise if Obama got re-elected, I cannot and will not vote for any candidate who is pro-life. It feels strange to write that because that means, what, that I’m anti-life? No! I believe in freedom and the rights of people to make their own decisions about how their affairs should be handled. White men (both political and religious), hands off women’s bodies.

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Summer Wedding

Posted on August 2, 2012 // Leave a Comment

Last weekend, we attended my friend’s wedding reception in El Dorado Hills, a suburb of Sacramento. I have to say, if I had to do my wedding all over again, I’d take a page from their book. The time between their engagement and their wedding was short which left zero time to fret the details and sweat. Engagements are typically a year, six months? So much time spent choosing a location, picking a venue, and staring at StyleMePretty.com.

The wedding took place in a Mormon temple nearby reserved for close family and friends. The reception was at the bride’s family’s home. We were greeted at the door starting with the bride’s parents, then the bride and groom, then the groom’s parents. So each guest felt welcome and got personalized attention. How many times do you go to a wedding and say, “Oh I never got to meet the father-in-law,” or something like that, where everyone is typically lost in the shuffle.

The food was great. They had a multitude of different types of wedding cakes. And they had Pinkberry! The actual frozen yogurt with your choice of flavors. Who doesn’t LOVE froyo?! There was cake cutting, music, dancing, laughing, lots of merriment.

I took some time to read the website they recommended on understanding their religion http://mormon.org/faq and found it fascinating. Their beliefs are rooted in Christianity, the Bible, and Jesus which is what the Catholic faith is based on. They differentiate themselves in believing that after Jesus died, the Church lost sight of the truth. They believe in the prophet Joseph Smith who was enlightened by God and translated his communications into the Book of Mormon. I have a lot of respect for their faith. Mormons are devout, close-knit, and extremely family-oriented.

We were seated at a table with a young attractive couple with three beautiful daughters. After chatting with them, Dean said, “You’re both so young and already have a big family.”

She laughed, “Well we are Mormon!”

A couple pics from the beautiful wedding.

Speaking of weddings, I know 4 couples who got engaged over a 10 day period recently. Unbelievable.

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Money Monday: Almsgiving

Posted on February 20, 2012 // Leave a Comment

Well it’s Lent so here’s the article I mentioned in my last post. There are a couple references to charitable giving. Give and ye shall receive.

Journey To The Foot Of The Cross: Bishop Ricken Offers 10 Things To Remember For Lent

Bishop David L. Ricken of Green Bay, Wisconsin, chairman of the Committee on Evangelization and Catechesis of the U.S. Conference of Catholic Bishops (USCCB), offers “10 Things to Remember for Lent” as the Church prepares to begin the season with Ash Wednesday on February 22:

1. Remember the formula. The Church does a good job capturing certain truths with easy-to-remember lists and formulas: 10 Commandments, 7 sacraments, 3 persons in the Trinity. For Lent, the Church gives us almost a slogan—Prayer, Fasting and Almsgiving—as the three things we need to work on during the season.

2. It’s a time of prayer. Lent is essentially an act of prayer spread out over 40 days. As we pray, we go on a journey, one that hopefully brings us closer to Christ and leaves us changed by the encounter with him.

3. It’s a time to fast. With the fasts of Ash Wednesday and Good Friday, meatless Fridays, and our personal disciplines interspersed, Lent is the only time many Catholics these days actually fast. And maybe that’s why it gets all the attention. “What are you giving up for Lent? Hotdogs? Beer? Jelly beans?” It’s almost a game for some of us, but fasting is actually a form of penance, which helps us turn away from sin and toward Christ.

4. It’s a time to work on discipline. The 40 days of Lent are also a good, set time to work on personal discipline in general. Instead of giving something up, it can be doing something positive. “I’m going to exercise more. I’m going to pray more. I’m going to be nicer to my family, friends and coworkers.”

5. It’s about dying to yourself. The more serious side of Lenten discipline is that it’s about more than self-control – it’s about finding aspects of yourself that are less than Christ-like and letting them die. The suffering and death of Christ are foremost on our minds during Lent, and we join in these mysteries by suffering, dying with Christ and being resurrected in a purified form.

6. Don’t do too much. It’s tempting to make Lent some ambitious period of personal reinvention, but it’s best to keep it simple and focused. There’s a reason the Church works on these mysteries year after year. We spend our entire lives growing closer to God. Don’t try to cram it all in one Lent. That’s a recipe for failure.

7. Lent reminds us of our weakness. Of course, even when we set simple goals for ourselves during Lent, we still have trouble keeping them. When we fast, we realize we’re all just one meal away from hunger. In both cases, Lent shows us our weakness. This can be painful, but recognizing how helpless we are makes us seek God’s help with renewed urgency and sincerity.

8. Be patient with yourself. When we’re confronted with our own weakness during Lent, the temptation is to get angry and frustrated. “What a bad person I am!” But that’s the wrong lesson. God is calling us to be patient and to see ourselves as he does, with unconditional love.

9. Reach out in charity. As we experience weakness and suffering during Lent, we should be renewed in our compassion for those who are hungry, suffering or otherwise in need. The third part of the Lenten formula is almsgiving. It’s about more than throwing a few extra dollars in the collection plate; it’s about reaching out to others and helping them without question as a way of sharing the experience of God’s unconditional love.

10. Learn to love like Christ. Giving of ourselves in the midst of our suffering and self-denial brings us closer to loving like Christ, who suffered and poured himself out unconditionally on cross for all of us. Lent is a journey through the desert to the foot of the cross on Good Friday, as we seek him out, ask his help, join in his suffering, and learn to love like him.

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