Quote of the Day

This quote came through my Twitter feed this morning and I just wanted to say Hells to the Yeah.

I can’t remember a time in my life being this stressful. If I were a celebrity, I’d check myself into a treatment center to deal with off-the-chart anxiety. A few weeks ago, we were rear-ended. Then I got sick. Last week, our 2-bedroom, 2-bath home which wasn’t even that big to begin with flooded. We are now essentially squeezed into a 1-bedroom place.

So with that backdrop in addition to being new sleep-deprived parents, Dean and I have been at each others’ throats. This is real, like Real Housewives kind of drama as we increasingly became frustrated with each other and the yelling escalated.

I write this because I’m so tired of all the personal blogs that never talk about the negative. That’s not reality! It ain’t all weekend getaways and wine country and fancy things. Life has ups and downs, and right now we are really down.

I love this quote because even though women are more independent these days, there are still so many women who are dependent on their husbands. I did a rough mental survey of my friends. If all of our husbands left us today, I’d say about 25% of my friends would be on the street. My statistics are skewed because I tend to have ambitious, career-oriented friends who went to grad school. But even then, about 25% of my friends would be penniless without their husbands. Isn’t that outrageous?

I love my husband, but I don’t financially need him. That’s coming from a place of female empowerment. I came into our marriage with my own skills, with my own savings and financial security, and if he wanted to bolt, I could go it alone…no problemo.

The past few days I’ve been asking friends, “Do you fight with your husband? Like really fight?” No one seems to talk about it so sometimes I think Dean and I are the only couple in the world who fights.

I’m here to blog about reality. For realz. It’s not all roses!

Worst Day of My Life

Yesterday has to rank as one of the worst days of my life.

First, I want to preface that my experience yesterday does not compare to a death in the family, divorce, a sick child, miscarriage or terminal illness. Those are tragedies. Those are painful experiences that span long time frames.

While what happened yesterday was challenging and emotional, it was not a tragedy. It’s something that we will overcome.

Tuesday night, I welcomed the pitter-patter of the rain and I reflected on the peace and quiet of our home. My husband was traveling for work, so I was alone in bed. My mom was asleep on the couch; she was helping out since Dean was away for the week. Baby Franco was being so good, sleeping through the night alone in the nursery.

At 4:30am, Franco woke up. When I opened the door to the nursery, he propped his head up and flashed a big grin. I took one step up to enter his room and dipped into a pool of water. The nursery and the adjacent bathroom were covered in half an inch of water.

“Oh God! My baby!” I screamed as I waded my way over to Franco’s smiling face. His crib was a protected island in a room that had flooded. I scooped him up and kept muttering, “Oh my baby. My poor baby.” Thankfully he was ok, but I was in shock.

My mom who is paranoid by nature made me even more emotional. She scolded, “This is why I told you Franco needs to sleep in your room. I knew having him on the other side of the house was a bad idea. Can you imagine if we found him this morning underwater?!”

“Mom! You are not helping.” I cried as I held Franco in my arms. I asked my mom to hold Franco while I made phone calls.

Luckily Dean is in Boston this week. I knew I could reach him with the time difference. He was very calm, probably because he couldn’t see the extent of the damage!

Next up, I made a handful of calls to plumbers. I got through to someone who came over at 6am. If you’re in San Francisco, call Fast Response. They are the best! The plumber said it wasn’t a plumbing issue. He placed a call on my behalf to a water damage recovery company. In addition, I made more calls to other repair companies. Because the rain was so bad Tuesday night, plumbers and the water recovery companies were booked solid.

Someone finally did come to suck the water out. A dehumidifier is running 24/7. The rooms are a wreck and unlivable. The hardwood floors are unsalvageable. Apparently the walls need to be opened up and dried. We are at high risk of a mold problem.

Earlier in the morning, I also sent a frantic text to my real estate agent. “Help! Two rooms in our home are flooded. Isn’t the remodel work guaranteed?” I was alluding to our property being a brand new remodel when we purchased it.

He called me later on in the day, “I don’t know if this will make you feel better but three other clients had flooding in their home.”

We are going to work with the seller and the contractor who did the work to assess the damage and see what can be done. That’s where we’re at. Our home is a disaster, but everyone is safe which is all that matters.

I am so very thankful to live near family. My dad drove over immediately. My parents spent all morning trying to mop up as much water as possible, dealing with the different contractors, then laundering about 100 towels! They deserve a medal for handling everything, allowing me to come into the office to work, and urging Dean to stay in Boston to finish out his work week. He would have otherwise high-tailed it home.

I was a mess yesterday, but trying to take deep breaths. I’m grateful as it seems like all the parties involved (real estate, insurance, contractors) are trying to help.

How to Live Longer

I watched this really interesting segment on 6o Minutes about people who live long lives (i.e., 90+ years).

There’s this retirement community in Southern California where residents filled out an extensive questionnaire asking about lifestyle. A neurologist discovered the data (going back to 1981) and not only has her team analyzed what they found, they are tracking every single resident who is still alive to determine what is the secret to longevity.

Here are the links to the video clips. It’s a fascinating watch.

Here’s a quick synopsis of the research. The following factors contribute to longer lifespans:
  • 45 minutes of exercise a day. 45 minutes is better than 2 or 3 hours. Doesn’t have to be consecutive and doesn’t have to be taxing. Simple activities like walking or gardening are fine.
  • Consumption of alcohol every day (i.e., 2 glasses of wine, 2 martinis, 2 beers, etc.). Does not matter what kind of alcohol.
  • Consumption of caffeine (the equivalent of 2-3 cups of coffee per day).
  • Being social.
  • Later on in life, it is better to be a little bit overweight than it is to be underweight.

Where am I on the longevity spectrum? I don’t exercise nor do I drink caffeine. I don’t have wine every day, but several times a week I have a glass of wine. I am fairly social. Plus I am underweight vs overweight. MAJOR FAIL. Maybe I’ll live to 70?

How do you line up?

Photo credit

Cars That Go Boom

We got into a car accident on Sunday. As bad of an Asian driver that I am, I was not the one who caused it. A Subaru Forester slammed into a brand new Prius which then hit our Nissan Pathfinder. A 3-car crash. Highway patrol was immediately on the scene, followed by a police officer five minutes later.

The woman who caused the accident looked to be in her 60s and must have had slow reflexes in responding to the traffic. The driver of the Prius was pretty shaken up. Her car had the most damage. Luckily no injuries. Our car had the least amount of damage. We’ll probably need to have our bumper replaced, but that’s it.

Poor baby Franco screamed after we were hit so after the police officer took our statement, we brought Franco to the pediatric ER where they took his vitals and examined him. All clear.

I’ve been making phone calls to insurance, giving recorded statements, searching for a new car seat to buy, and scheduling an appointment to have our car checked out. It’s been a pain.

During this process, I’ve come to the conclusion that All State insurance is one of the best. I don’t have them; I’ve got Geico. Within 24 hours All State (which insured the Prius) had contacted and gotten statements from everyone involved. If I have any questions about anything, I’ll be calling All State and not my own insurance. All State rocks! They are totally on top of things. I might have to make the switch.

Also I’m now a believer in buying a big ass car if you have kids. Before the baby, we used to drive a tiny Honda Civic. That piece of tin foil disguised as a car would not have survived this accident.

Have any of you been in a car accident that caused you to change your insurance provider or car?

Child Care in San Francisco

I believe I read somewhere that San Francisco is now the most expensive city in the United States. Housing is one of the main factors as home prices and rents are sky-rocketing. But now that I’ve researched child care options and put Franco in various situations, I can confirm that paying for child care has to be another reason people are leaving the city in droves for the burbs. I can count on one hand the number of friends we have with kids that still live in the city. It’s very sad. Honestly, while we would love to stay in San Francisco, we are also eyeing properties elsewhere.

Wanted to share my thoughts on child care in San Francisco having gone through the process. It sucks!

Here are the options.

1. Have family (i.e., grandparents) take care of your kid.

Score! If this is a possibility, more power to you. But most people who live in San Francisco weren’t born and raised in the city. They’re transplants. So I don’t know anyone who is in this situation. Lucky me, my mom recently retired so we will be using her a couple days a week.

2. Hire an au pair.

This is another ideal situation (since it’s super cheap), but in order to accommodate an au pair, you need an extra bedroom which doesn’t come easily in SF. You’re essentially looking at a home in the $1.5+ million range to accommodate an au pair.

3. Put your kid in daycare.

You’d think that daycare is a cheap alternative, but not in SF. The cheapest one I could find was $85/day. Most charge by the month which average around $2,000. Even if you find a daycare you like, good luck getting in. Most waitlists are so long that you should get on them as soon as you get engaged. I’m talking pre-pregnancy! And you have to be really persistent because these people don’t answer their phones or emails. Why should they when they have a waitlist that extends to eternity?

What I like about daycares is that they’re regulated. In San Francisco, you can call the Children’s Council and get the 411 on any daycare you’re considering. Guess what? Each daycare I asked about had some kind of violation! They weren’t egregious, but still: a) illegal workers on staff, b) taking care of more kids than their license allowed, c) during a random drop-in, it was discovered that a baby had been in his car seat for several hours. Awful!

4. Hire a nanny.

This is the most popular option. Most people I know use nannies. You can hire a nanny to care for your kid one-on-one which will cost anywhere between $17-22/hour. Or you can be part of a nanny share, where two families/2 kids will split the hourly share rate averaging between $22-26/hour. That’s a lot of money. We were part of a nanny share, where we paid $11/hour for a minimum of 50 hours a week. That means even if we only needed the nanny for 4 days out of the week (say we took a vacation day), we still would have to pay $550/week. On top of that, nannies in SF have standard contracts granting them 2 weeks paid vacation, 1 week paid sick leave, and again minimum hours worked. That’s good money for some nannies who aren’t educated and English isn’t their first language! I say that just as a data point because while background is important, what you’re really looking for is someone who will love your child. I could care less if they’re fresh off the boat.

I do love the personalized attention that kids get from nannies, but I’ve heard several nanny horror stories. If you ever catch me in person, we’ve got one that will blow your mind! Not something that I can really discuss here as that one went to court! But I hear from stay-at-home friends how nannies will just be gabbing away at the park, not paying any attention to the kids, or how they’ll take a picture of the kid to send to the parent, then neglect them. Ugh, so sad.

5. Stay home.

This is probably the ideal scenario. Personally, I am no stay-at-home parent. Major props to people who are, but I am not domestic. I’m not crafty. I don’t cook. I spent the better part of my adult life nuking Lean Cuisines for lunch and dinner. I’m not cut out to spend all day, every day tending to a slobbery infant. I joke with Dean that he should be the stay-at-home dad, but he’s not up for the challenge either.

Would love to hear stories from my readers. Please comment below!

photo credit: merwing✿little dear via photopin cc