Caring for Ourselves After a Miscarriage

Dean and I have spent the past few days resting and doing indulgent things we wouldn’t normally do. Here’s how we’ve been caring for ourselves after the miscarriage…

Caring for Ourselves After a Miscarriage:

  • Staying up until 1am.
  • Sleeping in until 10 or 11am.
  • Getting a head massage.
  • Eating red velvet cheesecake.
  • Inhaling rolls and rolls of sushi.
  • Drinking way too many glasses of expensive Cakebread wine.
  • Watching Chopped All Stars.
  • Watching The Place Beyond the Pines with eye candy Ryan Gosling and Bradley Cooper.

We appreciate everyone who has commented and supported us. My friend sent me the sweetest email (I excerpted below), asking to add my name to a prayer that’s read at her synagogue. This gesture has meant the world to me, as I know we would not be able to get through this dark time without our friends and family, the support of so many wonderful communities, and prayer.

“In Judaism there is a prayer call the mi shebarach. It is said at several services throughout the week to send love and healing to those who are suffering, sick, or in pain. In the middle of the prayer a list is read that includes those in the community for whom the prayer is relevant. If you want, I would love to add your name to the list that is read at my synagogue. If you want more info about the prayer.”

Lastly, I want to include a song shared by Lizzi who blogs at Considerings. I had never heard of the song I Will Carry You by the Christian band Selah, but it’s the same title of a book written by the wife of a Selah band member. They lost their baby daughter hours after she was born. Her heartbreaking story helped me through my first miscarriage.

We Are Pregnant!

We are pregnant!

We were pregnant.

And then we were not.

For the second time in only three months, I have miscarried another baby.

Please God it’s not fair to fill your heaven with our little babies. You already have one. Did you have to take another?

I am numb.

I am scared.

I am anxious.

I’m depressed.

I am mad.

I cannot sleep.

I cannot rest.

I want to give up.

I want to try.

I want to sleep.

I want to cry

I can feel my heart pounding against my chest. Why? Why? Why?

What to Do in Lake Tahoe During the Summer

We went to Lake Tahoe a couple weeks ago and had the best 3-day vacation ever. We are so lucky to live in the Bay Area. I would buy a vacation home in Tahoe if it weren’t for the four hour drive. Ahhh, one can dream.

What to Do in Lake Tahoe During the Summer

Our first night, we strolled around Tahoe City and smiled as children gathered along the beach to watch Wreck It Ralph. We, however, were indulging in adult libations and good food at the lovely Christy Hill restaurant.

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Having fun in South Lake Tahoe and grabbing breakfast to start our day.

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Our hike from DL Bliss to Emerald Bay. Park at DL Bliss State Park. The rangers will tell you where to park (there’s a designated area). The hike to Emerald Bay is 4.5 miles one way.

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Whew, we are tired!

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The highlight of our trip: Skunk Harbor. It’s a 3 mile hike out-and-back. I felt like we were in Capri. Does life get any better than this?

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Enjoying a sundowner at the Hyatt Incline Village, topped off with foie gras!

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Have you ever been to Lake Tahoe?

Do you love foie gras as much as I do? It is banned in California so I get it whenever I’m out of state.

If you could buy a summer vacation home anywhere, where would it be?

Money Monday: Buy from Bed Bath & Beyond

I did some comparison shopping: Amazon, Walgreens (which is the West Coast equivalent of CVS), and Bed Bath & Beyond and can confirm that you save the most if you shop for your toiletries at the BBB super store (the one in SF carries toiletries) and use these coupons.

Save at Bed Bath & Beyond

Bed bath and beyond coupon printable 2013 Bed-Bath-Beyond-Coupon-5-off2

I collect these coupons like a prized stamp collection. I sign up for the BBB mailings here. I’ve signed myself up using different names and the same mailing address. I signed my parents up so that they can give me their coupons. Then I stash all of them, including the ones that people in our apartment complex dump in the recycling bin, in our car. So whenever we happen to be at a BBB, I grab my coupons from the glove compartment. I have like 50 of them at any given time! That’s 20% off every single toiletry item. That’s $5 off expensive containers of contact solution or a pack of razors.

Love BBB.

College Series: The Key to Success is Primary School Education.

You know how they say that breakfast is the most important meal? It makes sense, right? You load up on all the eggy and starchy goodness early in the morning to sustain you for the rest of the day. It forms the basis of your nutrition.

Analogously, if you think college is your entree into success. You’re a fish-out-of-water wrong. The point is that you learn how to learn and become successful well before college.

The key to success is primary school education:

Ok let’s be real, genetics has a lot to do with intelligence, but the most important thing that you can do for your child in terms of education is to get them the very best education as early as possible. That means it is more important to send your rug-rat to that exclusive private elementary school where all the teachers have at least masters degrees, than it is to save all your money and hope and pray that one day your kid will get into an Ivy League.

Spend the money now while they’re young, while their brains are developing. Expose them to the most rigorous education program now and spare no expense. This is your child’s developing brain and it is crucial for their future.

I’ve talked to people who went to the most expensive, most exclusive elementary and high schools in San Francisco who then went on to Stanford or MIT, then beyond for graduate school and they have all said without pause that going to [insert high-priced elementary school here] was the key to their success. I’m floored. Not Harvard? Not Wharton? I need to know why.

One response: “It’s where I learned to think.”

Because people, you don’t learn to think in college. It’s too late! You don’t learn to think in graduate school. That’s just icing on the cake.

You are learning how to think in your formative years, when your brain is still developing, when you can memorize more than you’ll ever be able to in your whole entire life. Start young, start early. It’s never too early to feed the mind, but it can be too late. College is way too late. It’s true, you can’t teach an old dog new tricks.

As an aside, that’s why affirmative action is unsuccessful. Although I am pro-affirmative action (as I believe in the importance of diversity in shaping a student body), I believe that you cannot put a band-aid on a historically bad education. My college roommate said she had difficulty because she wasn’t starting off on level footing. She ended up dropping out because of the pressure of a highly-competitive school. No amount of studying is going to help if your brain has not been trained to rigorously process data. You cannot learn that kind of thought process in a weekend. You cannot cram for brain processing!

Back to my point which is that I think parents who are saving money and sacrificing for their children’s college education have got it wrong. All that money that was saved should have gone first and foremost to primary school education. For kids who have studied with the best teachers, have been in competition with super smart peers from their coloring days, have been exposed to innovative education at a young age, and are continuously challenged, then it does not matter where they go to college. In fact, they don’t even need to go to college because they will be so smart and have formed such introspective ideas about themselves and life in general that the learning is ingrained. They won’t need a university to show them the way.

There would be less stress because you as a parent would know that wherever your kid went to college, or even if they chose not to go, you would have confidence that, yup, my kid’s so smart, he or she has got this!

Would love to hear your thoughts on spending money up-front on education versus later on in the college years. Also, if anyone went to or sent their kid to an elite elementary school, please comment on how it shaped the rest of your life.

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