It’s Litquake and I am ALL over it. I think I’m pretty objective when it comes to my city, having lived and traveled to many places. Let’s start with the bad things about SF. The homeless and begging situation is embarrassing. The fact that I have to pass two burly figures asking for change to and from home every single day is sad. I’m used to it so I don’t really mind, but when I see the homeless harassing poor, unsuspecting tourists, that makes me mad. Also, SF is pretty boring. 1:30am last call? Not very many happening places. As for the good things: year-round temperate weather (or drive 15 minutes north, east, or south for great weather), wine country, Tahoe, Big Sur. People are athletic and active, healthy and green. But most of all, SF is the most literary-focused place in the world.

Hence Litquake which is a week-long festival celebrating books, poetry, literature, authors. Tonight is the kick-off happy hour at 111 Minna.

I discovered something spectacular. Microwavable meals from Trader Joe’s that do not have to been refrigerated or frozen. How friggin cool is that? Our freezer is overloaded with lasagna, burritos, rice bowls, pasta, taquitos, Indian curry meals. When we go grocery shopping, I’m always calculating, how many more frozen packages can we fit in our freezer?

There is a solution. Trader Joe’s sells these boxed Thai and Indian meals that have God knows how long a shelf life. Probably forever. You rip the sealed meal open, pour into a microwavable bowl, nuke for a minute on our microwave, and voila! Ready to eat food. Simple, easy, less than $2.

OMIGOD, this is my top shopping tip for 2010.

I had lunch today with a friend who works at my company and also went to Cal. We are on the same page when it comes to charitable donations. The guy has consistently given ever since he started working. We launched into a conversation at how appalling it was to hear from our alma maters that we rank the highest in terms of donations among our classmates. I guarantee you, we are not the highest paid.

To me (or to him), it’s not about how much you give, but that you give at all. He’s currently on the committee for his upcoming 10 year reunion and I spearheaded my business school’s five year reunion. The participation rate for my MBA class was so disappointing that we did not even go out with a message to inform everyone whether or not we hit our goal–obviously we did not. How embarrassing! And I know my classmates make very good money.

We cannot do this alone.

Cal announced that it was trimming its athletic budget yesterday by cutting baseball, gymnastics, lacrosse, and demoting rugby. People took to their Twitter accounts, “Unbelievable!” “Check this out. So sad.” Did any of those people even think twice when it came to donating or fundraising?

Successful sports alums expressed their disappointment.

Toronto Blue Jays pitcher, Brandon Morrow, said, “I think it’s awful. I think it’s embarrassing.” How much are you making and did you care about the sports program before you heard of its demise?

Olympian Natalie Coughlin said, “Extremely disappointed to hear about UC Berkeley having to cut five sports teams due to budget problems…” Hello, Natalie! Have you been racking up so many medals that you didn’t realize California is in financial turmoil and the UC system is in the toilet? Use your celebrity status to fundraise.

I cannot stand these whiners who make these grandiose statements but don’t think of solutions. Seriously, people. Instead of tweeting about your disappointment, why don’t you actually do something about it.

We (when I say we, I mean me) are trying to decide where to go on vacation at the end of the year. Keep in mind, we haven’t had a honeymoon which we’re still planning for next year–as soon as the weather in Italy is acceptable.

I dole out advice all the time about travel, but now I’m in need of it myself. It’s gotta be south of the equator. I’ve been all over Central and South America, Southeast Asia, Australia, and some parts of Africa. I want to go some place I haven’t been, but I don’t want to do New Zealand. Dean also doesn’t want to make big time zone changes so that leaves Central and South America. I have been practically ever in those areas.

Maybe Colombia, Chile, Uruguay?

I’m reading Anne Lamott’s book Bird by Bird: Some Instructions on Writing and Life. She has a chapter titled Jealousy. So funny because you can’t help being jealous of people. You know it’s a bad feeling to have because it gets you all riled up, but we all have it.

She writes, “But if you continue to write, you are probably going to have to deal with it, because some wonderful, dazzling successes are going to happen for some of the most awful, angry, undeserving writers you know–people who are, in other words, not you.”

One of my writing teachers had a serious conniption when someone in class mentioned how much she liked Elizabeth Gilbert’s memoir. The teacher steamed, “I cannot stand her. Her book is so contrived and she’s not a good writer–at all.”  Whereas the teacher was an amazing writer–superb, in fact. Probably some of the best writing I have ever read. She wins awards time and time again. Just doesn’t happen to be a best-selling author. When the movie came out for Elizabeth Gilbert’s book–Eat Pray Love–starring Julia Roberts, I could already see the teacher have a major meltdown, probably wondering why no one was knocking on her door for the film rights to any of her books.

One of my classmates landed a recurring column for one of the local papers and I was dumbfounded. Really? Really?!  The stuff that she read in class was mediocre. It wasn’t bad, but it was boring and we all scratched our heads after she was done reading.

That’s when you know you gotta do something–anything that you’re passionate about–just because you love it.

I go to a bunch of alumni events because of the free alcohol. Sometimes to hang out with friends, but mainly I dig the free-flowing juice of life. You can imagine my surprise when I walked into an event last week and I didn’t see a bartender.

“Uhhh,” I looked at the crowd of Chicago Booth alums, “where’s the alcohol?”

“PG&E doesn’t allow alcohol in their building.”

Not only does PG&E, who sponsored the event, prohibit alcohol, they also require the meeting organizer to give the standard safety spiel–where the closest exits are located, what to do in case of an emergency. We got schooled on what to do if an earthquake happened. Turn our chairs around and make sure our heads are protected. Ironically, for all their safety precautions, that didn’t prevent a major pipeline gas explosion that killed eight people. What happened there, PG&E?!

The event, an admissions reception for prospective students, drew a surprisingly large crowd–100 prospects and over 20 alums. The most frequently-asked question was, “Did you like going to Chicago?” My standard response was, “Hell yeah. I learned a lot, but we also partied really hard. I can think of at least 25 classmates who either married someone else in our class or one of the other years. There was a lot more going on than studying, if you know what I mean.”

All the prospects were keeping their options open and told me which other schools they were applying to. One Indian girl, though, reminded me of myself when I applied. “I really really want to go Chicago. I’ve been there. I’ve hung out on campus. It’s so alive. There’s such energy. And your reception had food! The other business schools don’t do that. Plus the alumni’s interesting with different backgrounds. All the other schools, their alumni are all consultants.”

“Oh, I’m so glad you like Chicago. What other schools are you applying to?”

“You don’t understand. I only want to go to Chicago. It’s where I belong. I hope I get in.”

Who says that these days? If more people said in job interviews, “This is exactly where I belong. If you gave me an offer right now, I’d start tomorrow. I want this job.” More people would be employed. After she said that, I gave her my card offering advice, resources, and any help. I was so flattered that she was passionate about my school that I wanted her to get in–more than any of the other people I’d talked to.

I’ve loved Kelly Osbourne ever since she bumbled, then glided her way into third place of the ninth season of Dancing with the Stars.  I just thought she was really funny and she never ceased to make fun of herself. Sweet and good-humored.  I’m sure it had everything to do with being an overweight klutz.  She grew up without any self-confidence which made her a kind soul.  As crazy and famous as her parents are, she ended up being a good kid.

I happened upon her website which I think is so endearing.  Her reasoning behind her website reminded me of what was going through my head when I started mine up.

“I’ve spent the last few years trying to work out who Kelly Osbourne is, from addiction to awards and fashion faux pas to first night nerves, it’s all been about making mistakes and learning from them. Who is Kelly Osbourne? I’m still not totally sure. But I do know who I’m not, and I want to help other people make the right decisions with the difficult choices we all face when growing up. Maybe sharing some of my most embarrassing moments will help you avoid one or two of your own.”

What makes her different from other celebrities is that you feel like she gets it.  She understands the general population because she grew up getting made fun of, being scrutinized, all the things that most teenagers go through.  Then recently, she found out her fiance was cheating on her.  Her life isn’t a fairy tale, but she’s on the right path. Plus look how hot she got.  Good for her.

I’ve been feeling really unproductive lately even though I’m one of the most productive people I know.  Marc pointed out while we were watching the Rachel Zoe Project how successful RZ is. “She’s our age and she has her own show on Bravo.”

“She’s like five years older than us, but she looks like she’s in her late forties.  Look at those bags underneath her eyes.”

I’m still jealous, though, because she’s amassed a cult-following of her style and built a brand-recognized fashion empire.

While there are all these people out there who are successful, I’m wasting away my life looking at Facebook and Twitter.  What a time drain and productivity killer.

Would Shakespeare have been so prolific if he had an iPad or iPhone?  I think not which is why I’m giving social media and the internet a time-out.  I became a member of the Mechanics’ Institute which is a private library with long, convenient hours downtown.  It’s been around since 1854.  I sat there for a few hours last week and cleared my brain.  Reading and writing in solitude–exactly how I spent my childhood.  No more distractions.

Every once in a while, I stalk ex-flames by entering their names into WeddingChannel.com to see if they’ve settled down. I get a kick out of seeing their wedding websites–the location, the logistics, the love.

Brian Yagudin. With a name like that, the ex could never escape my savvy online search techniques. Brian Yagudin and Lucia Tenorio–soon-to-be happily ever after. I knew they were getting married. My husband and I ran into them, ironically, hours after they got engaged. Passing each other at a popular downtown wine bar, my ex-boyfriend beamed, “I asked her to marry me tonight during dinner.” My eyes made a mad dash for her ringless left hand. Same cheap ass Brian. Always so practical. Probably promised her a Roth IRA rather than waste money on a sparkler. She’d been married before so might as well do things completely different this time around. Sans diamond ring. How’s that for cutting-edge different?

Two Filipino girls with white guys. The similarities stopped there. She was likable–the perky personality, the friendliness, the chattiness, the warmth I never had around Brian. I liked her so much the first time I met her that I texted him afterwards, what a perfect companion he had found. Her assets were offset by deficiencies–the lackluster career potential, the numerous misspellings on their blissful website. In those areas I dominated.

He might have told her I was cold and calculating which, for the most part, was true. I purposely instigated a blowup argument just in time for me to attend Burning Man–single and liberated.

I’m certain the groom-to-be had no hand in any of the wedding details. I scrolled through pages of stainless steel pots and pans on their registry. That was never the life I envisioned for us when we were together. I hadn’t appreciated his cooking. He had a disdain for my constant need to try new restaurants. We were destined for failure and happiness with others.

On their About Us page, I read snippets of his background that I had never known. Either I hadn’t bothered to ask or he hadn’t cared to share.

Months after we broke up, I wandered into his line of sight at a raging Halloween party. He pulled me aside. “I hope you know you’re hot. Maybe I didn’t make that clear when we were together. I’m sorry if you didn’t get that from me.” I hated him during our time together because I didn’t feel wanted. I didn’t feel adored which is why I sought affection from others. As I matured I realized that needy feeling had to be satiated by me alone. I couldn’t feel that someone loved me unless I loved myself first.

That’s not to say I didn’t love Brian because I did.  So much so that when I found his WeddingChannel profile, I cried tears of joy.

You found a better me; I found a better you.  For us and for them, that’s amore.

I’ve gotten quite a bit of flak for being a fan of Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino–the reality star on the MTV show Jersey Shore. I swear that guy makes the show. He is eye and ear candy. Why? Because he has abs of steel and he’s super witty. The shit that comes out of his mouth has me in stitches.

I could care less about the others. Although I do have a soft spot for Snooki since we’re the same height. Midgets unite!

I’m going to tell you something that’s shocking. The Situation is real, not at all fake. He’s a player, a sleaze. But you know what I like about him? He owns it. OWNS IT. Meaning he doesn’t try to putz around like he’s super genuine and sweet. He’s just a normal young guy who wants a piece of every hottie on the shore. Most guys his age want the same thing. They just don’t talk about it in public.

He’s honest about it which is more than I can say for all those righteous people out there who poo-poo the guy. This is the world that we live in: “happily” married guys who tuck their kids into bed, then take off their wedding bands when it’s time for a night out with the boys. I can’t tell you how many times committed guys have asked me to set them up with one of my friends. Uhhh, sure, you’re such a quality guy!

I’ve seen it with my own eyes. It happens all the time. I see it so much, I consider it normal. I’m no longer shocked.

Give the guy credit for being completely upfront and real. It’s more than I can say for a lot of people.