Thanks TB for the tip. This site is H-I-L-A-R-I-O-U-S!
People put in their area codes and you can enter in your text messages. You can simply browse or search by your area code.
Here are some of my favorites from today.
(905): Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
(1-905): With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
(412): i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
(310): we better have passed that bar exam – i dont want to have to drink like this again
I signed the contract for our wedding at the Ace Hotel in Palm Springs today. 25% deposit upon signing.
I was furious with the last Bachelor. What a fucking asshole to dump someone on national TV. If I came across Jason Mesnick, I would certainly have a few venomous words for him. And that doormat Molly. She was his second choice, but easily took him back. She was smiling and giddy. Was anyone else thinking, “You dumb bimbo. Stop holding his hand and caressing him. You were his second choice and you think it’s ok for him to waltz back into your life.” Completely ridiculous. The Bachelor left a foul taste in my mouth–as it did for a lot of America. Check out the message boards.
But with 10 million viewers watching the finale of the Bachelorette, I have to think that most of us were pleased with the outcome. Cute, fun, Canadian Jillian choosing solid, centered Ed from Chicago. I don’t care what others have to say, Ed is hot! Tall and muscular. Although Kiptyn was ripped (who has abs like that?), he’s just not a burly manly man like Ed.
And finally. It took a Canadian to make a wise (and obvious) decision. Choosing the bachelor who genuinely told her he loved her. Choosing the guy who asked her dad for her hand in marriage. Choosing the guy who was completely right all along. Sure he left temporarily because he cared about his career. All the other bachelors were there the whole time and couldn’t come to terms with whether or not they were truly falling in love with her.
I am so proud of Jillian. But more so, I’m just so proud of Ed. He knew he was in love with Jillian. He told her. But before he proposed, he said, “I need to know that you love me, too.” You go, Ed!!! Way to tell the Bachelorette that she needs to step up and reciprocate.
I’m still elated a couple days later. That is true love. And all is good in the world now that we’ve witnessed such a beautiful courtship.
I want money. I’ll take it in the form of cash, check, Visa or Amex gift card. You can PayPal it to me. I’ll give you my checking account and routing number.
You sneer, “She has gone off the deep end. Tactless. Totally tactless.”
Let me preface my comments with the following. I don’t need gifts. I’m independent, self-supporting. I don’t need presents to make me happy. If you can’t afford one, please do not get me one.
Now back to the tacky discussion. I guess it’s perfectly acceptable to register for gifts–essentially telling people you want presents–and printing it on invitations. How many invitations have I received with ‘Registered at Williams-Sonoma, Crate and Barrel, Babys R’ Us’ duly noted.
I can’t tell you how many people have whined, “But Catherine, you have to register. C’mon, a Foreman grill, beautiful china, something?”
Ok, people. Dean and I currently cohabitate in a studio–albeit a very large studio–still a friggin studio. I am 34 years old. He’s 40. We do not need anything. We do not need an ice-cream maker. We do not need a crystal Lennox frame. We do not need another 500 thread count bed sheet!
I want a wedding that my guests can enjoy. I want a honeymoon. I want a house. I want my child to go to Miss Porter’s boarding school where Jackie Onassis went.
Let’s say that in order to PayPal me money as my wedding gift, you had to pay an 8% service charge. That’s totally not true, but let’s say that were the case. You’d cry bloody wedding murder, right? You’d say, no way. No way am I giving that tacky bride my hard-earned cash plus 8% on top of it.
Stop and think now. Do you realize that’s exactly what you’re doing when you buy something on someone’s registry?! It’s called sales tax. And in the city of San Francico it’s hitting 10%. Not only that, you’re most likely paying shipping and handling charges, too.
When I say, I want your cold heart cash, I’m telling you I love you. I’m telling you A) save your 8% tax, B) save your shipping and handling fees, and C) most importantly, save yourself the time of having to browse a wedding registry and look for a gift. It’s quite simple.
You want to paint a portrait of Dean and I staring into each other’s eyes? I like that. Is there a sentimental gift you’ve been dying to give me? So cool with that, too. But when did practicality get overshadowed by material things? And when did giving money become so wrong? Who doesn’t swoon at the red Chinese envelopes on New Year’s? That’s what I want to get across. It would be different if we were starting out post-college a decade ago. We have everything we need in terms of ‘stuff.’
But not another rice cooker, please.
Unlike most girls, I never really had visions of my dream wedding. Only later on in life (as in a few years ago), I swore that if ever I got married, I’d rent a private estate in wine country and have an In-N-Out truck pull on up after the rice-throwing. Cheeseburger animal style coming right up. Those hopes were dashed when I learned that the In-N-Out truck does not service the Northern California area. Even then, it only services a very small region of the Los Angeles area. Oh well, back to the drawing board.
As I get ready to sign a wedding reception contract on our Palm Springs hotel, I wanted to give my newly-engaged friend some wedding planning advice. The process sucks. It’s going to cost you a shitload of money. But wedding planning only gets better after you decide on a place.
Here’s how I did it.
1. Scroll through venue by venue either the book or the web site Here Comes the Guide. It’s as comprehensive as it gets when it comes to wedding locations in California. You can filter by winery, private estate, ranch, museum, art gallery. What I like about the site is that the pricing information is pretty accurate…so you can see what your baseline cost will be.
2. I continued to look at private residences that would allow for a big wedding. Caution: there is a huge expense in terms of rentals (chairs, tables, linens) if you go this route.
3. I told everyone I knew that I was trying to find a venue, and soon enough, recommendations poured in. Lots of hidden gems I wouldn’t have known about.
4. I scoured magazines, wedding web sites, photography sites.
5. I thought of my favorite restaurants and clubs like Foreign Cinema and Green’s here in the city.
6. I considered a true destination wedding like Hawaii or Mexico, but we agreed that we would genuinely be losing people we wanted at our wedding.
There’s no easy way to figure out your wedding location. It takes a lot of time, lots of phone calls, lots of site visits. For us, it came down to the right price at a cool spot.