Dean and I got into a fight about Burning Man last night. I think he should stay at home and save money. He’s fine staying at home–as long as I’m by his side. If we were rich people, it’d be great if he came with me, but we’re not. And we’ve got a wedding to budget for.
“You know, Dean. It’s going to cost $1200 for the RV and $300 for your ticket. That’s just the base amount. You still have to think about gas, food, alcohol, water…all the things that are going to make you feel comfortable for a week in the desert. Are you really thinking about these things?”
“If you can go, then why can’t I go? If you can afford it, I can afford it.”
“I work for Burning Man. My ticket is comped. All of my meals are taken care of. I’ve been going for almost a decade. I plan for this expense every year. You know what your problem is? Trust. You don’t trust me. You should really think about that before we get married.”
“It’s not you, Baby! It’s the ecstasy. You and naked guys and ecstasy. That’s what I don’t trust.”
After getting ready for bed, Dean asked sadly, “Do you not want me to go to Burning Man?”
“No, of course not, I want you to be there with me.”
Krimey
sometimes i don't comment on your posts because i just don't know what to say. this is one of those times, but i decided to write anyway. forgive me if my stream of consciousness is choppy.
if you don't want him to be there (based on this post it certainly sounds like you don't) then just be honest with him instead of pulling out the "you don't trust me" card. it's almost like you don't want him to feel secure in the relationship.
if you love this guy enough to marry him, perhaps you can brainstorm on how both of you can afford the things you know you enjoy doing together, rather than scolding and punishing him like a misbehaving child.
remember, when you get married, joint-and-several-liability will be become your financial reality. time to start warming up to the idea and figuring it into your financial planning.
you've chosen this guy to be the father of your 87 children, right? then you've gotta start treating him like a MAN.
i'm not saying i'm the best wife – far from it – but i do know that men who are treated like children will continue to act like children.
(you might want to pick up a copy of 'the proper care & feeding of husbands' by the ever-controversial dr. laura for inspiration and elaboration.)
speaking of dr. laura, she often says something on her program about spouses that would be very helpful here. "you know what kind of animal you brought home." you chose to love this man and build a life with him, knowing his strengths as well as his weaknesses. you can't marry a kitty cat and then resent him the rest of your lives for not being a mountain lion. you know what kind of animal you brought home.
ps – please let me know when you've had enough of my unsolicited advice. 🙂