Posted on February 26, 2009 // Leave a Comment
We’re Having a Baby
Posted on February 24, 2009 // 1 Comment
I have a friend. She’s 42, beautiful, artistic, talented, incredibly smart, and single. Unbeknownst to many of us, she hid her pregnancy until she could no longer keep it a secret. She wore loose sweaters, covered up with loose-knit scarves. In fact, she was pregnant during the Burning Man festival last year. Pregnant by artificial insemination. With the official announcements making their way around the circuits, many people have gasped, “What?! No way!” I guess you hear about women doing this and having children on their own, but how many of us have friends who’ve done this? She is my first.
When I found out, I wrote her this email.
hi bethany,
i am so inspired by your news.
i spent last year in a tizzy, fighting, hoping, struggling to find someone to be my life partner. someone i could hurry up the process with so i could finally settle down and have children. i think i spent all of 2008 depressed even though i tried to put on a happy front.
i decided i didn’t want this year to be that way. so i cleaned up the skeletons in the closet (i’m trying to go sober), said good-bye to the players who weren’t even dating me but really just using me (my fault because i let them), and i think i am really starting to be genuinely happy now–living life on my own terms and my own timeframe.
you are an amazing woman who touches all those around her by the example you lead.
thank you,
vixen
She responded.
Your email touched me so much I need to pause before responding.
It’s incredibly hard to take the hard stance, to see what is motivating us, and pursue what you want. I found deciding to be a single parent a really challenging decision to make, even though I have known I want children all my life. But knowing that dating was really a means towards that end, and also the awful men I was dating, this was/is the right decision for me. Facing skeletons is tough, very very tough, and I applaud you for identifying what will make you happy. You are such an amazing, wonderful, inspiring, lovely person!!! You are someone I am incredibly proud to call a friend. If there is anything I can do to help support you in your focus on doing what makes you happy, please let me know.
lots of love,
xxoo
My friend has captivated so many of us–it takes a village–that I am so proud to write that I have never seen so many people give so freely of themselves. It’s as if she isn’t a single mom! A friend came by and installed the baby car seat. There is a schedule to sign-up for a home-cooked meal to bring to her and her mom who will be helping out as soon as the baby is born. It’s such a beautiful outpouring of support!
Baby boy coming soon!
Posted on February 24, 2009 // Leave a Comment
Live Blogging: The Relationship
Posted on February 22, 2009 // Leave a Comment
I spent Saturday holed up at home. I’m sick. I don’t like being around people when I’m sick. Even when I’m feeling great, I often times don’t like being around people.
Dean missed me and couldn’t stay away. He called first thing this morning. ”Hey Baby, you feeling better? I’m going to come over, bring my toothbrush, then just spend the night, ok?” Click.
Gulp. It was 10:30am in the fucking morning. Sunday morning.
I haven’t had a boyfriend in years. I’m not used to this. I like my alone time. I need to ease into seeing someone. I already feel like we’ve spent quite a bit of time together. You know you’re seeing someone when he asks what you’re doing the next day and the next day and the next day. He’s got your schedule down pat for the next week. And you know you’re seeing someone when he’s handing you an extra set of keys to his place and bringing his toothbrush over to yours.
I started to panic. When he came over, I acted quickly. ”Sweetheart, how ’bout we grab some brunch, hang out for a bit, then you can go home. Look. No TV. So boring! Plus it’s the Academy Awards tonight. Why don’t you watch the show and you can text me what people are wearing on the red carpet?”
We had our nice cozy brunch, but he came right back to my place, and parked himself on the couch. ”Baby, I just want to stay here with you. I don’t care that you don’t have a TV. Why don’t you give me a book to read?”
More hyperventilating on my part. ”Dean, the truth is…” I thought quickly. ”The truth is…it’s Sunday and I’m going to church in a bit. I know you don’t go to church regularly so you’ll have to leave soon.”
“Baby, you know I’m Catholic. And sure, I’m just a Christmas and Easter guy, but if you go every Sunday, then I want to go too.”
I gave up. ”Dean, you’re just saying that now. Look. You can’t come with me. I want you to think long and hard about whether or not you want to go to church on a regular Sunday basis and if you do, then you can come with me next week.” I said this knowing I’d be out of town next Sunday.
With that, he gave me several longs kisses, a big bear hug, and finally, he skedaddled.
What’s a girl to do? I wanted a boyfriend, but don’t want my alone time stolen from me!
Posted on February 22, 2009 // Leave a Comment
Sick All Week
Posted on February 21, 2009 // Leave a Comment
A friend sent me an e-card yesterday, “I’m sorry that your sick day is actually due to sickness.” It made me laugh. But I didn’t take a sick day. I wanted to, just couldn’t. Everyday, I woke up, threatening to call in sick, but always chickened out at the last minute. I kept thinking about the certain tasks at work that only I could do. Must get in and upload the revised presentation to the web site. Must get in and return the phone call to the investor who asked about the preferred stock. And as I bussed down to work, I promised myself that it would only be a half day. I’d get in, finish up those tasks, and come crawling back home into bed. Never happened.
So I slept 10 hours last night. Left the house once today and have been holed up inside, typing and writing away all day. I re-worked one of my stories for class. I’m glad that I carved out some time out of my busy schedule to actually get some writing done. I’ve been going to class, doing my assignments in class! We had to do story outlines this past week and I was lucky she went around the room with me going last. It gave me the time to finish my outline right then and there.
Ready to zonk out now on Ambien. Yey!
Posted on February 21, 2009 // Leave a Comment
A Little Bit of Honesty
Posted on February 20, 2009 // Leave a Comment
A friend of mine set me up with her college friend. We went out. Drinking on an empty stomach, I ended up making out with him at the bar. Big mistake. Here are the follow-on emails.
From: Martin
To: Catherine
Hey, how is your week looking? Feel like taking a break and doing something? Let me know.
Martin
From: Catherine
To: Martin
hey martin, i want to apologize for my behavior when we met. i was drinking on an empty stomach, rushed out of the bar, and flopped away home. i’m pretty sure i was a little out of sorts. i didn’t even remember making sunday plans.
i have to be honest with you. i met someone a couple days after i met you and we are now seeing each other. it’s all very odd to me as i’ve been single for so very long.
i wish you the best. deidre and i have decided to get our groups of friends together for huge happy hours so i look forward to seeing you soon.
catherine
From: Martin
To: Catherine
Hi Catherine,
Thanks for being honest and I hope that things work out with this new person, if they don’t, and I am still single and you are still interested we can try again with more food and less alcohol. You have an amazing body especially for someone who is such a workaholic and your craziness is quite endearing 
Take care and hopefully I will see you at a get together soon.
Martin
Posted on February 20, 2009 // Leave a Comment
All Grown Up
Posted on February 19, 2009 // Leave a Comment
Whenever we visited my grandparents in Seaside–a beach-side town near Monterey–I felt like we were going on vacation. I remember playing in their beach of a backyard, cupping the white sand with my hands and watching the fine particles filter through the gaps in my fingers. I was six years old. I touched the top of my head–scorching hot. My black hair absorbed the heat like a cactus sucking in water. I looked up at the sun through my new black sunglasses, lifting them to see the white sun un-obscured, wincing.
I had pleaded with my mom for the pair of sunglasses at Long’s drugstore. She had shaken her head, pushing the tiny cart forward through the narrow aisle. Then as we prepared to check out, she had relented.
After playing in the sand, my eldest cousin suggested we walk down to the playground. There were five of us girls, ranging in age from 6 to 13. Just like I’d been content filtering the sand through my fingers, I swung happily–Hush Puppies extending and flexing in a rhythmic whirr.
Three girls my age ring-fenced the swing-set. They were scowling. I ground my feet to a halt. One of them screamed, “That’s my swing. I’d tap-tapped on that swing and you’s on it.”
I scanned for my older sister and cousins for their support; they were no where. I slid off the swing with a meek cry of appeasement, “Ok, it’s your swing. I’m off now.” The same girl screamed again, “But I’d tap-tapped it and you were swinging on it. That was my swing!”
I ran up the hill. They raced behind me, caught up to me, and grabbed hold of my sunglasses. The screamer broke them and handed them back in pieces. I whimpered. Tears were streaming down my pink flushed cheeks. Surprised, the screamer consoled, “I’s so sorry. I didn’t mean to break it. You’s ok?” She put her arm around me. Her two friends patted the top of my head.
I grew up that day–or became more suitable for the real world.
