My Blog, My Life

Posted on April 3, 2008 // 1 Comment

I started my blog three years ago almost as a continuation of the advice column I wrote in business school.  I had no idea what it would become, how it would evolve, how my readership would grow.  At first I didn’t tell anyone about it.  I still don’t!  I simply started including the blog address in my email signature.  Then my name became google-able which is the reason why I’m taking it down.  I have lost my anonymity and now it’s time to take it back.

I thought I would capture funny, unique snippets of my life and share them with friends.  In doing so, I realized I wanted to share a more important theme.  Inherently, I have always been a dark, solitary person.  I was tired of reading books with happy endings, watching my network of friends find their forever after.  Weren’t there people out there like me?  Dateless in San Francisco? Frustrated, broken-hearted, Ambien-addicted?  So I wrote to calm myself down.  To share my miseries. Doesn’t misery love company?  There have to be people out there who are on the brink of solitary madness.  And I wanted to shout on the page, “I am here for you!  Look at my life.  It sucks.  Read my stories.  There are some great things about my life and there are some really bad things.  I am a devout, church-going Catholic, reformed anorexic, alcoholic with an MBA.  How fucking crazy is that?  And also, how wonderful, enchanted, and enriching.
This has been my choice.  I have chosen to blog.  I have chosen to write publicly about my life. Now it’s time to stop.  As I mentioned before, I want to fall in love the way people did before there was Match.com or Facebook or Google.  
If I have one piece of advice to share, it is this.  Never lose yourself for someone.  Never lose yourself for anyone at all.  I can’t believe I’m going to quote Sex in the City, but I remember watching Samantha in this scene and wanting to run up to the television screen and give her a hug.  I thought she was so strong, so real.  It was when she ended her engagement with the love of her life, a philandering charmer.  She said, “I love you.  But I love me more.”  And she walked out.  
Everyone has the love life they want.  This blog has been the love of my life for the past three years.  I have no regrets—only passionate memories.  Thank you for your commitment.  Thank you for reading my truth.
———-
Please call me, send me tulips via carrier pigeon.  My life has freed up.  I cannot wait to tell my stories to you in person. cgacad@ChicagoGSB.edu
To Bravery,
Catherine
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Posted on April 3, 2008 // Leave a Comment

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Wild Geese

Posted on April 3, 2008 // Leave a Comment

by Mary Oliver

You do not have to be good.
You do not have to walk on your knees
for a hundred miles through the desert repenting.
You only have to let the soft animal of your body
love what it loves.
Tell me about despair, yours, and I will tell you mine.
Meanwhile the world goes on.
Meanwhile the sun and the clear pebbles of the rain
are moving across the landscapes,
over the prairies and the deep trees,
the mountains and the rivers.
Meanwhile the wild geese, high in the clean blue air,
are heading home again.
Whoever you are, no matter how lonely,
the world offers itself to your imagination,
calls to you like the wild geese, harsh and exciting–
over and over announcing your place
in the family of things.
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Posted on April 3, 2008 // Leave a Comment

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Advanced, Yet Delayed

Posted on April 2, 2008 // Leave a Comment

It’s our weekly routine, going to My Gym Saturday mornings.  I’m up front, driving.  I’m not a morning person.  So I’m still easing into life at 10am.  Dominic is in the back, strapped into his car seat.  He’s wide awake.  He looks caffeinated–bright eyed and bushy tailed.  He initiates conversation.  Sometimes I don’t understand him, but most times I do.

“TRAIN!”
I look toward the track.  I wonder in astonishment how he’s able to see the train before me when he’s sitting in the back, I’m driving, and I should be noticing these things first.  I chalk it up to my bad eyesight.  It’s in the genes so the poor kid will start losing his 20/20 vision, I suspect, by the time he’s in third grade.
“CHOO-CHOOO!” He hollers.
I repeat, “Choo-Chooo!  Chugga, chugga, chugga, chugga, choo-choo!”  He likes sing-songy stuff. I think all kids do.
“Dominic, how old are you?”  I ask as the train chugs by.
“TWO!”  He promptly answers, flashing me the peace sign.
“That’s right.  You’re so good.  You’re two.  How old am I?  How old is Auntie Cat?”
He looks at me hard.  I could tell he’s thinking very deeply for a two year old.  He looks up toward the sky for a second, then back at me.  
“Uhhh…thwee?”
“Wow, Dominic, that is a very good guess!  But no I’m not three.  I’m almost 33!”
He looks at me suspiciously.  What does that mean?  33.
My mom says he’s advanced–even more so than me or my sister.  We were three when we started speaking clearly.  Dominic’s only two.
Funny.  I always felt very advanced.  Advanced when it came to the alphabet, spelling, math. But delayed when it came to the important stuff like getting my period, liking boys, dating, getting engaged, married, having kids.  You know, all the stuff that really truly matters in life.  Because if it didn’t really matter, why does every single person (whether it’s mom, dad, aunt, uncle, cousin, colleague, friend, acquaintance, stranger) feel compelled to ask, “So, you dating anyone?”  If it didn’t really matter, people wouldn’t be asking.
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Posted on April 2, 2008 // Leave a Comment

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Farewell My Beloved Readers

Posted on April 1, 2008 // 3 Comments

The time has come to say good-bye.  I haven’t yet figured out what I’m going to do.  There’s no password-protect feature on Blogger.  If I want to limit my readership, I have to submit the names of 100 faithful readers.  They in turn have to sign up for an account in order to view my blog.  Maybe I’ll start a new blog altogether; I just won’t associate my name with it.  Or I can take a break, end the blog, qualify for the Boston marathon, learn how to cook, learn how to sew, learn how to paint…fall in love anonymously.

Send me your email address if you’re interested in continuing on as a reader.  I’ll add you to my distribution.  Maybe I’ll start a monthly newsletter!  cgacad@ChicagoGSB.edu
Friends & Family, it’s been fun.  I’ll write more later…a formal good-bye.  This is just a forewarning, but the blog will be coming down publicly very very soon.  I’ve enjoyed sharing my stories…and there are so many more to tell.
Hugs, Kisses, Love,
catherine
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Posted on April 1, 2008 // Leave a Comment

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