In response to the post about my dating hiatus, my friend Kristen had some insightful comments (she always does!). I respect Kristen so much I asked her if she would consider being my therapist several months ago! She very politely declined, but she’s always kind enough to send me helpful comments through my blog. I wanted to bring them to the forefront this time so everyone can read. She’s definitely got the right perspective.
“I agree that purposely remaining single without reflection is a bit pointless – you already know you can flourish on your own. I would think the benefit of staying out of the dating scene is on par to meditating in a quiet place or practicing the movements of a golf swing over and over. We do this so our minds and bodies establish a new pattern of action, at a time when there is nothing at stake, nothing to prove. Then when it comes time to draw upon this in the everyday chaos called “Life” we are more likely to turn to our calmer center of focus and follow our new *planned* course of action. Similarly, with the whole dating issue, it helps to independently establish the new patterns you’re striving to make permanent: not requiring external validation to confirm your self-worth, not overreacting about (real or imagined) slights, reaching out in kindness when your ego start to feel threatened… Then when you start dating again, you will be less likely to go back to your old comfort zone where your raw emotions are the ones fiercely in control of your relationships. You will then be able to take the wheel and move forward with a plan. “
- Kristen Wong