Slept in.
Mesmerized by Jen’s TV and a rockumentary on Hip Hop Wives.
Egg scramble brunch with Jen and Joy.
Joy’s slideshow on Peru and Bolivia. Perfect prep for my trip.
Jen’s slideshow on China.
Drove the 49 Mile Drive that curls through the Presidio.
Walked around the coastal trail.
Daniel’s new home in Dublin for Thanksgiving.
My aunt and uncle’s home in Union City for the family Thanksgiving.

Perfect mix of not working, hanging out with friends, hanging out by myself, hanging out with the fam, and eating A LOT.

Happy Thanksgiving to you all.

I read this article on the Washington Post web site this morning about the high demand for Asian egg donors. Women want to give birth to children who are going to look like them. So as more infertile Asian women try the donor route, they’re not finding much luck in locating young Asian women willing to go through the process. There are cultural and marketing issues in seeking out more Asian donors: 1) the staff at clinics only speak English, 2) ads are posted in English-language periodicals, 3) Asians are extremely protective of their bloodline.

Ten years ago, I considered being an egg donor. It wasn’t a passing consideration. I thought about it a lot. I cut out the ads. There were many of them all over campus on billboards, in school newspapers and magazines. It didn’t just stop there. I called the clinics. They sent me applications. I had to fill out pages of my own medical history, my parents’ medical history, my grandparents’ medical history, my education, my test scores, pictures. And I did. I completely filled out one application.

In the package that came with my application, I read quotes from young, educated women who wanted to give infertile women the chance at motherhood. That didn’t even cross my mind. I thought the quotes were bullshit. I just needed the money. Why else would anyone sign up for sessions of hormone injections?

I worked three jobs in college. On top of that, I babysat and studied while the baby slept. I was on the call-up list for the Psychology department. I got paid for random experiments. I remember making almost $50 for a fun, gambling experiment that took less than 15 minutes. Egg donation paid $3,000. I couldn’t stop thinking of all the things I could do with that money.

My application sat on my desk for months. I finally just tossed it.

There was one court case I could not get out of my head. Maybe you remember it. I still do. It was the murder of a 6-year-old girl. The girl, Lisa, had been illegally adopted by a New York attorney, Joel Steinberg who was accused not only of murder but of severe domestic violence and the brainwashing of his wife, Hedda Nussbaum. I kept thinking of the ‘what if’ scenarios. What if a child who is genetically mine is raised by a felon? What if my child is abused? I would never know and the thoughts would kill me.

I’m not surprised there’s a paucity of egg donors. Even if clinics had more staff who spoke other languages. Even if the marketing tactics improved. Would there be an increase in the number of donors? I can’t imagine anyone else taking care of my own baby.

I couldn’t do it, and I’m glad I didn’t.

What up VIXEN?
From: Fraser
10:01pm 11/18/06

Hi. Are you in LA or here?
From: Catherine
10:04pm

Vegas. Ted says hi.
From: Fraser
10:05pm

Don’t gamble all your bonus away. Probabilities are better with credit card roulette. Try it when you guys get the hotel bill.
From: Catherine
10:07pm

Hot….what r u wearing? I’m drunk so I can ask.
From: Fraser
10:09pm

A turtleneck. It’s chilly here. But no underwear.
From: Catherine
10:12pm

Shave, trim wax? I NEED TO KNOW!
From: Fraser
10:13pm

Wax. Pain is good.
From: Catherine
10:14pm

Lil masochist….hmmm…i like it.
From: Fraser
10:16pm

——————-

Couple guy friends from b-school. I published my own list of the ten hottest guys in school and Fraser was one of them. Red headed and red HOT.

In Vegas and drunk at 10pm? How silly! The text conversation made me laugh. Not as good as a phone call, but I’ll take it.

I’ve noticed that guys are really into text messaging…A LOT. I’m a slow texter, plus I’d rather make a phone call. Don’t get me wrong, I love email…but texting is a lot different. It takes a long time to punch those messages. Texting is useful when you’re in a loud bar or club, but come on fellas….ENOUGH ALREADY!

I dated someone who always texted, never called (ok, maybe once or twice but only after I told him to CALL ME). One night over drinks I brought it up. “Why do you insist on texting? Why can’t you just call me so we can have a normal conversation on the phone?”

“Catherine, I’m not a phone person, alright? I just don’t like talking on the phone.”

“That’s ludicrous. So we’re supposed to get to know each other over text messages?”

He repeated his answer about not being a phone person. Then I realized why he was still single and doing the online dating thing even though he was 1) HOT, 2) successful, 3) talented, 4) funny. He had communication problems and relationships are all about communication! I vaguely recall him mentioning something about not being in a real relationship.

I know I have problems, but at least I can pick up the phone and talk about it.

I’m on a new beta version of Blogger. I don’t notice too many differences. The interface for managing posts is slightly more user friendly. You can add labels to your posts. At first, I thought these were hidden, then realized they weren’t. I’m not sure if the labels help much anyway. If I need to find a post, I can search for key words even without the labels. My biggest problem (unfortunately now that I’ve switched to the beta version, I cannot go back–yikes!) is I can’t add a small caption below my pictures. No matter what I do, the caption sits to the right of the photo which is totally inconsistent with what I’ve done in the past. I started adding large titles to the pictures just so people can read what the picture is about. But I’m going to try to do more research. It’s quite annoying. If I could, I’d go back to the old version.

In response to the post about my dating hiatus, my friend Kristen had some insightful comments (she always does!). I respect Kristen so much I asked her if she would consider being my therapist several months ago! She very politely declined, but she’s always kind enough to send me helpful comments through my blog. I wanted to bring them to the forefront this time so everyone can read. She’s definitely got the right perspective.

“I agree that purposely remaining single without reflection is a bit pointless – you already know you can flourish on your own. I would think the benefit of staying out of the dating scene is on par to meditating in a quiet place or practicing the movements of a golf swing over and over. We do this so our minds and bodies establish a new pattern of action, at a time when there is nothing at stake, nothing to prove. Then when it comes time to draw upon this in the everyday chaos called “Life” we are more likely to turn to our calmer center of focus and follow our new *planned* course of action. Similarly, with the whole dating issue, it helps to independently establish the new patterns you’re striving to make permanent: not requiring external validation to confirm your self-worth, not overreacting about (real or imagined) slights, reaching out in kindness when your ego start to feel threatened… Then when you start dating again, you will be less likely to go back to your old comfort zone where your raw emotions are the ones fiercely in control of your relationships. You will then be able to take the wheel and move forward with a plan. “

- Kristen Wong

Four months ago, I started out with 20 tabs of Ambien. I just took one so I’m now down to a lucky 7. Every other night, I switch it up with all natural melatonin pills that I got from one of those specialty health boutiques. I cannot wait. Thanksgiving. Two big turkey celebrations on Thursday. Friends coming home for the holiday. Then South America on Saturday. Allelujah, I will be giving thanks.

Given that I had several really good Indian friends at Cal, I’m surprised I didn’t hear about Diwali until I went to business school. I don’t want to misstate the significance, so I’m pulling this background directly from my friend’s evite.

As with other Indian festivals, Diwali signifies many different things to people across regions of India and is observed differently throughout the diaspora. The festival heralds the approach of winter and the beginning of the sowing season and coincides with a post-harvest sense of plenty across the country. Everywhere, it signifies the renewal of life (it is common to wear new clothes on the day of the festival).

In north India, Diwali celebrates the return of Lord Rama to his capital Ayodhya after vanquishing King Ravana, who had abducted his wife Sita. In Gujarat, the festival honors Lakshmi, the goddess of wealth and prosperity, who it is believed visits places that are clean and spotless. Therefore, a few weeks before the festival, people get their houses cleaned and walls whitewashed.

We celebrated in business school. Every year at work, we order large tins of spicy Indian food. Last year, when I was in NYC for Halloween, I ended up celebrating Diwali with my friend’s family. Ahhhh, the food. Yummy, to-die-for Indian food.

This year my friend invited me to celebrate with his family in their newly remodeled home. I drove out to Pleasanton and found my way to their home which sits atop a street bearing the family name. I usually don’t care about my crappy car, but this time I was embarrassed as the valet drove my car down the driveway. I walked into a lavish home: marble floors, brightly-lit chandeliers, impressive views, gazebo, pond, garden. I was stunned. I met several of his friends and we toured the compound together. After walking from one room to another, we proceeded downstairs to find an exquisitely-tiled indoor swimming pool at which point I exclaimed, “OK…Hearst Castle. Has anyone been on the Hearst Castle tour? Because if you haven’t, this is it.”

Sure I was happy to see my friend and meet his family. But dinner was probably the best part of the whole celebration. Best Indian food ever! I went back three times for more.

Now, I love bracelets…ever since Madonna made a fashion craze out of them back in the eighties. I like to jingle them along my wrist and wear them past my elbow. Bracelets must be a big deal in India because I always get bracelets whenever my friends return from their trips. Well, back to the Diwali celebration…there were bracelets scattered on every dining table for guests to take. I was ecstatic.

Not only did I leave the party bejeweled, we each got boxes of sweets to take home. The most sugary, buttery sweets you’ve ever had in your life. They were so good I finished the whole box the next day. Diwali is better than any American holiday. Family and friends gather together. There’s amazing food. Presents are exchanged. And there’s jewelry and sweets! I hope I get invited again next year.