Artist: Deanne Cheuk 

An update on my Lenten promise. OK, I was kinda bad…I didn’t stick to having only one alcoholic drink a day, but I did stick to not having any chocolate/cookies/ice-cream/dessert-type stuff. That’s pretty good. I also did go to Church every Sunday during Lent which is a record for me. But more importantly, I developed a closer relationship with God, praying more consistently and simply talking to him about what’s going on in my life.

I’ve been tormented by my single situation–as you can read from my blog, but I’m just now starting to be at peace with myself. I’m trying to learn to stop criticizing and finding fault, to stop wishing and hoping…..to just accept and be and live…..and find the beauty in that. I credit the book Zen and the Art of Falling in Love by Brenda Shoshanna which was recommended to me by a friend. It completely changed my outlook on life and love just like Eckhart Tolle’s The Power of Now helped me through a period of depression when someone left me very abruptly with no explanation.

So I think this was a good Lent. I’ve learned a lot about myself and my relationship with God. Now it’s time to celebrate. Chocolate chip cookies…here I come.

Artist: Richard Diebenkorn

I have to print the following. It’s an email to my sister from one of her friends after she announced the birth of Dominic. It made me laugh so hard, I seriously had to run to the bathroom because I had wet my undies. This is one of the funnies things I’ve read in a long time. I asked permission from the person who wrote it, but he never responded. The guy should seriously consider writing for The Onion. Just in case it’s not something he wants out in open forum, I’ve scrubbed what I could that would in any way identify who he is–which makes it even less funny than it was to begin with, unfortunately.

Howdy,

Thank you for sending the picture, and congratulations on your marriage and Baby. I see that not only did you not become a RN, you also refused to marry a honkey. Well, I know that you were going to be happiest teaching music, and even though you don’t like cracker honkey men, just remember if it wasn’t for us whitey males, there’d be no pianos. So, the world should collectively thank their lucky stars for the people God made in his own image (you know… Germans).

I’ve just been doing super-duper, yadda, yadda, yadda, noise, noise, noise, and all that. I work in Union City, and am up to my balls in East Bay ghetto ass gangsta douche bags! The East Bay is getting even more ghetto by the second. Oh well. What are we gonna do, I don’t wanna leave California because I’m lazy like everyone else and don’t want to shovel snow, or run from tornados.

I was engaged, but it all came to an end after four years. (She refused to become a Republican). Oh, let me just self promote myself here a little… I’ll have you know that you are talking to a fully honored Veteran of the War on Terror. I was recalled to active duty twice. Sept. 11, and at the start of the Iraq War. I got to stay around here, BUT STILL, I mean… I missed all my t.v. shows, had no direct access to burger king… it was terrible. I don’t want to start having flashbacks.

My current Girlfriend is half Filipino, and White. Let’s face it, I love Pilipino bitches! There hot!

Well, congratulations, and keep in touch.

Artist: Barbara Brooker 

My friend Rob emailed me after reading my recent blog entry. After I carefully read his email, I gave him a call and we were able to talk in length about how I should handle this dilemma. I’ve been friends with Rob since our startup days. Back then I was 23 and constantly asking him for advice–as I do now. And that’s because I value his opinion. Although I don’t always follow his advice, in retrospect, he always seemed to know the right thing to do.

This time, we talked about how important it is for me to be with someone who can handle my past…but at the same time, having that guy understand that he shouldn’t feel threatened by it. He made me think about being honest and how I can build trust in this relationship by entrusting this guy with information about me and making myself vulnerable. But having him understand that I’m allowing that because I see something special in him.

Here was Rob’s email.

Was going to post this in comments on your blog but figured email was more appropriate.

First off, congratulations on finding a quality person to hang out with

Secondly, I think you are looking at the blog issue the right way: most people are not ready for the undiluted truth about someone’s past (at least until you have a really solid foundation). And yes, although this blog -IS- you there are certain aspects about your (and everyone’s) past that are better left unshared initially with a romantic interest. That isnt to say you should lie if asked about your past, but volunteering a lot of intimate details (as your blog does) could make him uncomfortable at the least.

One other thing about pasts and relationships. I believe the bottom line is this: if you never lie to this guy about anything in your past, then he can trust you when you reassure him re: whatever fears your past triggers in him. That trust means you can basically discuss everything you’ve done in your history. If however he reads something about your past in your blog (or from your conversations) that doesn’t jibe with prior disclosures, then watch out, because trust will be compromised and you will have limited ability to reassure him about anything he is uncomfortable with.

Take care,
Rob (Kaminer)

Artist: Deanne Cheuk 

There’s something wrong with my CD drive so I’m unable to download my new camera software. Hopefully, I can get some pictures up soon.

For now, I’ll post the work of some of my favorite artists.

Wow, I’ve gone on quite a hiatus. My apologies. I’m not sure where to begin. Part of the reason I haven’t written is because I don’t know whether it’s appropriate to write about someone who has the potential to remain in my life.

The purpose of my blog was to talk about all the eccentric things that happen to me as a single woman who’s actively dating. There have been a lot of stories to tell. For the most part, my entries were a single story with an end point. The end. I could write about and make fun of these guys because I knew they would not be a part of my future.

That’s just not the way it is now.

I’m scared that if I write about him, he’ll somehow get grouped into all the other meaningless relationships I’ve been in. And in suffusing him into my blog, what we have will fade into another meaningless relationship. I do not want that to happen.

Let me qualify what I just said…because I believe that we learn something and we change and grow from everything—even bad relationships. So no relationship is meaningless. What I meant to say was ‘futureless.’ Somehow he’ll get grouped into all the other futureless relationships I’ve been in.

I guess I’ll just start with the fact that I’ve never dated someone like him before. For the first time in a very long time, I feel like I’m finally getting what I need out of dating: someone who’s available, honest, and affectionate. I can count on him to call, to make plans ahead of time—exactly the way it should be.

I’ve always been open and honest with my writing. All the entries are truthful. I don’t want to back down now. But I am scared that one day he will come across my blog and think differently of me…maybe even hate me—even though this entire blog is who I am. I don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings, especially someone I have fallen for.

So for now I’m going to state the following:

I reserve the right to remove entries from my blog at any time.

Consider the next couple postings limited editions. Read now and forever hold your peace.

Artist: Deanne Cheuk